2 months--no drugs or alcohol

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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Arcturus Descending » Wed Aug 29, 2018 4:28 pm

I was not being arrogant, gib. I was trying to be helpful in the hope that you might *see* something which you may not be seeing in relation to your sobriety or lack of it. Treating someone who ought not to be treated with kid gloves is just being an enabler. You are being your own enabler. Why waste time and energy when someone is simply not ready to be open to the change it takes to change.


Anyway, I wish you well.

Fuck you.


We are just about done here. You are the second man in here within the week to use that word addressing me.

Real arrogance comes with you, gib, believing that you owe someone more respect than you owe another because you do not know the former as well as you know the latter ~~ ergo, F Y. I do not enjoy being addressed in that way.

It would seem to me that Pedro I. Rengel is more serious in helping you than you are in receiving help. I will be arrogant with you here again in saying that it is my intuition that you are MORE *playing* with your life in this regard ~~ not really being serious enough about it. Hopefully, at some point you will lose the flippancy...it is just a deterrent and a defense mechanism. You are still not ready to suffer for your sobriety and change from what I see.

You need to be very careful that there does NOT come a time when your attitude and behavior comes to roost on your children harming them. They are, after all, your most precious Beings...and if you do not believe that they can be vulnerable because of you, then you are quite blind.
Last edited by Arcturus Descending on Wed Aug 29, 2018 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“How can a bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?”
― William Blake


“Little Fly
Thy summers play,
My thoughtless hand
Has brush'd away.

Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?

For I dance
And drink & sing:
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life
And strength & breath:
And the want
Of thought is death;

Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die”
― William Blake, Songs of Innocence and of Experience


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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Wed Aug 29, 2018 4:48 pm

Pedro I Rengel wrote:Who said I want to win people over?

Your life is your problem, not mine.


Really? And I thought you cared.

Arcturus Descending wrote:I was not being arrogant, gib. I was trying to be helpful in the hope that you might *see* something which you may not be seeing in relation to your sobriety or lack of it. Why waste time and energy when someone is simply not ready to be open to it.

Anyway, I wish you well.

Fuck you.


We are just about done here. You are the second man in here within the week to use that word addressing me.

Real arrogance comes with you, gib, believing that you owe someone more respect than you owe another because you do not know the former as well as you know the latter ~~ ergo, F Y. I do not enjoy being addressed in that way.

It would seem to me that Pedro I. Rengel is more serious in helping you than you are in receiving help. I will be arrogant with you here again in saying that it is my intuition that you are MORE *playing* with your life in this regard ~~ not really being serious enough about it. Hopefully, at some point you will lose the flippancy...it is just a deterrent and a defense mechanism. You need to be very careful that there does NOT come a time when your attitude and behavior comes to roost on your children harming them. They are, after all, your most precious Beings...and if you do not believe that they can be vulnerable because of you, then you are quite blind.


Ok, thanks, come again (er, wait, don't).
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Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Pedro I Rengel » Wed Aug 29, 2018 4:52 pm

It is you that has to care about himself.
"I am not fazed by myself. I have dragged myself through too much of myself to be fazed. Others are disturbed by the slightes articulation of themselves. But they are unfazed by the machine."
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:47 am

You guys gave me a dream last night.

I had a dream I was rolling joints. One looked like a burrito, it was so big. My sister was trying to come into my room. I closed the door. She popped it open with just a push. I closed the door again and locked it. Again, she pushed it open just by pushing it. I started to drop lit joints onto the carpet. The carpet was starting on fire. I tried to put it out.

^ Hmmm... don't think it takes a Freudian psychiatrist to figure this one out. :lol:
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Thu Aug 30, 2018 4:52 am

Arc,

I just got back from my first class in the Dale Carnegie course. You were asking what being "awesome" means. They stated a quote which I think sums it up:

"The Dale Carnegie course helps you become the you you want to be."

Being awesome, to me, means being the me I want to be. <-- Note that's not the me you want me to be, or the me Pedro wants me to be, or anybody else. It's the me I want to be.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Thu Aug 30, 2018 7:00 am

You know guys, I feel great!

There's been a lot of great things happening in my life recently. I'm really excited to start my new job at ATB Financial on Tuesday. I'll be making more money than I ever dreamed possible, and maybe even have a spring board to start a small business. Also, everyone at ACM Facility Safety (where I currently work) is being really nice to me, making me feel I'll be missed. On top of that, I just finished the first class of the Dale Carnegie course (as I stated in the last post) and I'm all excited about that. And to top it all off, I had a lot of fun digging into you guys.

Believe it or not, I get a rush out of just slamming arrogant pricks on ILP. I love the slaughter, seeing you bleed blue. <-- I'm twisted that way.

In any case, it's like the cherry on top of this high I'm currently on, this rush. I'm told by my therapist that this is dopamine. And I'm finding in the past few days that dopamine seems to act like a perfect substitute to caffeine. I've always wondered what the natural neurochemical was that caffeine mimics. I learned that I shouldn't assume that there is just one... for any drug. For caffeine, there seems to be two. About a week after July 1, I regained my body energy and alertness, but I didn't feel the same kind of buzz (excitement, euphoria, racing thoughts, ability to put my words together, urge to socialize) until I went through the occasional moments when something picked me up--some fortuitous event, some happy circumstance, something that made me smile--and then I started to feel a bit of a caffeine rush. I guess that's dopamine. Dopamine's the second chemical (still not sure what the first one is--what makes you alert/energized?). I only asked that I achieve maybe feeling like I'm on one cup of coffee, but this feels like two. I find it amazing that this is coming on the natch. It's not like a switch I can flick whenever I want, or a pill I can pop, but it's definitely happening without the caffeine (Arc, that's item #5 on the list you linked me to).

I have you guys to thank for that. You stuck your necks out for me to figuratively chop off. You are the substitutes to the drugs. You make me feel alive.

Maybe better not feed the beast.

I'm also wondering if it's the affirmations I've been practicing lately. My therapist has me doing these meditative and breathing exercises which involve reciting an affirmation I tell myself. In the past couple days, I told myself: "I will feel like I'm on one cup of coffee." <-- Even if this is just the placebo effect, it's working.

Now, I'm starting to see maaaybe how this can become a struggle. I'm up late, losing sleep, and I have a bit of an urge to go to the strip club and drink. Caffeine has always been the "gateway" drug for me. I used to call myself a conditional alcoholic--conditional on the caffeine--cause I'd only want to drink if I was jacked. That changed after a while and I became a regular ol' alcoholic.

But now I'm feeling a bit of an urge. Don't worry, it's still nothing serious... but I can see how thoughts might covertly sneak in there.

So what to do? I think it would be wise to learn how to turn it off as much as to turn it on--these dopamine chems--mind control remains the key priority. But I also see this as a golden opportunity. If I'm lucky enough to learn how to turn on and off the dopamine receptors like flicking a light switch, maybe it'll be time to jump to the next step--learn to turn on or off the receptors for alcohol (or whatever the natural equivalent in the brain is for alcohol). I don't want to give in to the urge to drink at the strip club. I want to go to the strip club, snap my fingers, and naturally get drunk with nothing but the sheer power of thought. I'll get a kick out the fact that I won't need a single drop of alcohol and my wallet stays full.

Hmmm... possibilities... aaalll the possibilities.

But first things first... learn to turn it off--get enough sleep--before plowing ahead. Learn to crawl before walking. Learn to walk before running. Learn to run before soaring... right?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:41 pm

Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

By the way Glibby, you're approaching sobriety like a junkie.
Whatever works for ya!
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Thu Aug 30, 2018 3:22 pm

Fixed Cross wrote:By the way Glibby, you're approaching sobriety like a junkie.


I've always had unorthodox methods. :D
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Thu Aug 30, 2018 9:42 pm

Cool.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby MagsJ » Thu Aug 30, 2018 10:12 pm

Fixed Cross wrote:Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

..one would have thought otherwise.

Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:57 pm

Hey Mags, I've been meaning to ask: what are those gold capsule supposed to represent?
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby Fixed Cross » Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:28 pm

MagsJ wrote:
Fixed Cross wrote:Sadly there arent any good strip clubs in Amsterdam.

..one would have thought otherwise.

I guess the prostitutes take too much of the business. Still, Id say it should appeal a much larger segment of the actual population.

Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?

Im not aware Amsterdam ever had enough glamour to have a quarter deserving that name.
It's all either tremendously seedy or unfathomably smug. I don't hate the city, but going out at night really feels like going into a sewer with a lot of hungry rats.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby MagsJ » Sat Sep 01, 2018 4:55 pm

gib wrote:Hey Mags, I've been meaning to ask: what are those gold capsule supposed to represent?

..a simple attempt to inject humour into my digestive plight. I might buy one for my birthday.. as long as it's non-allergenic. My avatar too is reflective of current mood.. in both persona and posture.

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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby MagsJ » Sat Sep 01, 2018 8:24 pm

Fixed Cross wrote:
MagsJ wrote:Is Soho Amsterdam no more? or was it ever was?

Im not aware Amsterdam ever had enough glamour to have a quarter deserving that name.

:lol:

After such historical infamy, you would think that it would have gained it by now.. along with a touch of glamour.

It's all either tremendously seedy or unfathomably smug.

Oooh, what's the unfathomably smug set like? as we all already know what seedy is. :lol:

I don't hate the city, but going out at night really feels like going into a sewer with a lot of hungry rats.

That's cities for ya.. so you just gotta know what kinda sewer you're going into, as it will always be a given that they are there and therefore unavoidable.
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Sat Sep 01, 2018 11:32 pm

Today's September 1st baby! Two months and a day--longest I've gone without drugs or alcohol (well, except when I was a kid).
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby MagsJ » Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:39 am

I bet your body's lovin you? :)
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Sun Sep 02, 2018 5:04 pm

MagsJ wrote:I bet your body's lovin you? :)


I bet it is, especially my stomach. I was starting to develop some serious stomach issues near the end there, and I know my stomach's thanking me now. Yet another reason not to go back.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
User avatar
gib
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Location: in your mom

Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby gib » Wed Sep 12, 2018 5:57 am

I finally got my tattoo touch ups today. Check it out:

touch ups 500x666.jpg
touch ups 500x666.jpg (124.44 KiB) Viewed 335 times


(Please try to ignore the back hair!)

So again, this not only symbolizes my quitting of drugs and alcohol, but is instrumental in keeping me off drugs and alcohol. I've basically branded myself with a statement: I will not do drugs and alcohol. So I can't just go back now.

It's not quite the original drawing:

Image

But I've learn something about the art of tattooing: not any drawing is transferable. Sometimes, you gotta let the tattoo artist customize it to best suite the purpose. Several things come into consideration: the shape of your body (where the tattoo is going), the thickness of the lines, how the color will fade over time, and generally what looks good as a tattoo as opposed to a drawing on paper. But in any case, my tattoo artist certainly captured the essence of it and I'm happy with his work.

So far I've spent a lot of money on this transition in my life. Almost $1000 for the tattoo, $2000 for the Dale Carnegie course, $180 every visit to my therapist... quite the investment for someone who isn't taking this seriously.

I also wanted to show everyone this:

IMG_1573 500x666 2.jpg
IMG_1573 500x666 2.jpg (112.44 KiB) Viewed 335 times


I have this hanging up on my bedroom wall. It's to remind myself of all the reasons not to do drugs and alcohol (and it's not exhaustive... there's about 5 other reasons on the other side). Note my number 1 reason: Cassidy & Kaden, my two children. <-- So again, not very serious.

I also had a talk with my kids the other day about how they like their dad before and after the drugs & alcohol. I asked them:

"Do you guys notice any difference in me before I quit the drugs and alcohol and now?"

Cassidy: "Mmm... no, not really."

Daddy: "Do you guys feel maybe I hurt you when I was on drugs and alcohol? Like I was abusive?"

Cassidy: "Abusive? What do you mean?"

Daddy: "Well, some people on ILP think maybe I did you guys harm when I was on drugs and alcohol or that I was abusive."

Cassidy laughs: "Who thinks that?!?!"

Daddy: "Arc does. Some other guy named Pedro. But sometimes it's true. Some alcoholic or drug addict parents end up abusing their children. Arc's mom was like that. But she thinks it's the alcohol itself that makes the parent abusive. The alcohol can exacerbate the abuse but usually an abusive parent is abusive for a much deeper reason, something that was there long before they started drinking alcohol. In fact, the alcohol is usually more a symptom than a cause. But not all alcoholic or drug addict parents are like that. I hope I wasn't like that with you guys."

Kaden: "Well, we WERE, daddy!!! You were a TERRIBLE daddy!!! You were just sooo terrible!!!" <-- He said it with a huge grin on his face. He likes to joke around like that.

I'm also reminded of something Cas said to me the other day: "You're an awesome daddy."

Me: "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

Cas: "Because when I jump into your arms, you catch me and you hold me."

Me: "Yeah? Other daddies don't do that?"

Cas: "No, most of them say they're too tired, or too busy, or some other excuse. But you don't."

Now just in case I have inflicted irreversible damage on my kids and we're all in denial about it (as Arc and Pedro are bound to point out), I'm going to schedule a visit to my son's therapist probably sometimes in October. She's a child psychologist who would know the signs of abuse in children, maybe even due to alcohol or drug addiction, and I'm going to ask her if she's seen any signs of that in Kaden. I'll report back with the results.
My thoughts | My art | My music | My poetry

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
- unknown source

Men must be taught as if you taught them not. And things unknown proposed as things forgot.
- Alexander Pope

Here lies the body of William J, who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right, as he sped along, but he's just as dead as if he were wrong.
- Boston Transcript
User avatar
gib
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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby barbarianhorde » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:09 am

ra ra
ImageImage

what is the connection between these two pictures and this thread?
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
~ Владимир Ильич Ульянов Ленин

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Re: 2 months--no drugs or alcohol

Postby barbarianhorde » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:17 am

Cassidy: "Abusive? What do you mean?"

Daddy: "Well, some people on ILP think maybe I did you guys harm when I was on drugs and alcohol or that I was abusive."

Cassidy laughs: "Who thinks that?!?!"

Daddy: "Arc does. Some other guy named Pedro. But sometimes it's true. Some alcoholic or drug addict parents end up abusing their children. Arc's mom was like that. But she thinks it's the alcohol itself that makes the parent abusive. The alcohol can exacerbate the abuse but usually an abusive parent is abusive for a much deeper reason, something that was there long before they started drinking alcohol. In fact, the alcohol is usually more a symptom than a cause. But not all alcoholic or drug addict parents are like that. I hope I wasn't like that with you guys."

Kaden: "Well, we WERE, daddy!!! You were a TERRIBLE daddy!!! You were just sooo terrible!!!" <-- He said it with a huge grin on his face. He likes to joke around like that.


:lol:

Good stufflings.
It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.
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