So I am putting this topic in the mind section due to my pondering about the psyche.
My last two trips have shaken me, it did not truly terrify or scar me but they put things into perspective most definitely.
I did lsd a while ago, probably a month or two ago… It shook my entire existence and blank slated me… I saw horror in what made me feel or think “it’s all worth it”, living this simple life full of complexities here on Earth, that are at least, mostly, manageable. It slapped me hard, very hard. I was the embodiment of “it”… The spectator… The god, subconscious or Whatever you want to call it in your language or perception.
I was disassociated with my identity… I could see in my mind a group of humans, thinking I can do whatever I want and existence is what I make out of it so build something great, I could see these people in my mind, a huge group, building stone statues/structures or having wars and doing whatever it may be that they have done in ancients past but while seeing this it was sped up like being played on a recorder and hit fast forward, it was all for it, it has been watching the entire time… Our existence and progress… It was with a sense of urgency of course, as if it were telling me my and the species capabilities and that something must be done or when we band together we are very powerful.
I smoked Dmt yesterday and it showed me death and the despair in what could be, the dimensions of nothingness, chaos, the void… as if to make me understand to the extent of what I currently can, to appreciate being on Earth here, it felt as if my brain hurt from comprehension or my trying too comprehend and stretch myself… The feeling is painful, it showed me that when two substances mix there is no going back, so if I understood I cannot be here on earth anymore in a sense, perhaps, the reaction may not be one that is willfully sought. There were lines everywhere and patterns, I was in different dimensions in my mind, I open my eyes and it is a mixture of reality and these patterns… I felt panicked on this journey, it is near if not incomprehensible… I felt as if there were entities in each one of these dimensions even though I did not go into one dimension specifically, it was as if I was in an escalator or a waiting line that moves, showing me just a glimpse of all of these places… Even the white room of nothingness, it showed me reality is what we make it, existence… But it can be much more terrible than this, much… Much more incomprehensible… I had already known these simple facts but the point is to understand and so it slapped me like the silly human I am, it has felt like I have died, pieces of me lost in these trips even if nothing really has been lost but instead something gained or so I hope…
I feel as if I am at the limit of my minds power in terms of figuring out myself and it’s power and that is why this trip was similar to my lsd trip but just a lot more potent. I felt like lady galadriel in LOTR, seeing silver and the screaming… It feels as if I do not have much left to pursuit that I can comprehend with this mind of homosapien and is this not the urgency one feels to continue evolving but not being able to due too societies mundane redundancy?.. Does anyone else feel at the end? Is understanding that life is entropy/agony, the beginning and the end?
youtu.be/K3VOf3CBGvw
On my lsd trip, this is how powerful it felt but it felt like my mind is merely a rubber band and i was trying to stretch or snap it by understanding more beyond… I saw silver everywhere and held my head groaning, I heard noise like how she yells in this scene. It felt as if I am god but also have my limits of individuality of course…