I have nothing like anything like Your experience, my journeys being never longer then the 23.5 marathons with my children , about say, and I am kind of guessing here, 25 years ago.
You could say that I have had a number of mystical experiences throughout my life.
Now I will interrupt this train of thought to express a feeling/thought I have, which sounds kind borderline, because at times I can’t delineate my feelings from my thoughts or cam happen. Its like a recurrence of a much lower level of being , which has not yet reached the level of conscious existence . When o realize its happening then incam feel these very rudimentary thoughts come up, and I feel then my willpower looses its efficiency and things happen . Since I’m with You in its embryonic forms , and feel rather them know about Your resiliency, the mierpe of my mind can’t distinguish between your bordered area and mine
Just now , coming from my daughter where I usually go to babysit my latest grandson I thought about this, and came upon the idea of allusions, or literature which ties in, and then hoping it would tie into whatever that evolving channel that is slowly developing between us.
In this way the pseudo margins can remain at a middle level , where affrontery, overindulgence , or aloofness can set in.
Now go back to a very popular book even longer since its publication , a. DH Lawrence relic, of which o cam only say, the title infers a wider content them it really is. That is what struck me them and it still does. It was titles , Sons and Lovers. So much for that
And I will try to get a hold of it and pull something out of it that I think would prevent it from being a tie breaker.
We are both of is dealing with sons and fathers and that focus usually pushes our own father outside into the literally grayish background
Which brings me to painting that evolved from the gold lustered middle aged focus of equal attention to both inside and out, inferring a harmony missing today at least on casual inspection .
I did learn something new that long walks bring all kinds of real life hallucinating realities and the compression of Your very long walks will certainly could could bring these about, some of which, in Your case, shows , at least to me , that these cam come about either from the inside , or the out, depending whether your sources are of behavior or action referred or, wether your travels consist like bird like existential glimpses types by sensory thought out models .
If the latter is more prevalent than the compression leads underground and the sun conscious draws in things, spirits, demons or whatever into a typificative force that pulls in these things from the outside. in an effort to neutralize this onnwe force. You are yet beyond classification to my feeling states no clear thought has yet assembled in my mind which could attempt a unified reconstruction. of lets say You at a certain age
Here I stop because You are right about the river, I am deep underwater, can hold my breath and I do, where I can grab unto something and try to leave it , where I feel I willing drown and go ashore for a bit
There went that born again, invisualize a horse, and we are sitting or I. sitting on it and he is a friend and I feel comfortable drifting with it downstream, but wonder if it would be as helpful upstream.
I think one of us will need am accommodation, while we’re at the river’s mercy, one of is need to be swimming upstream while the other upstream so as to see the other one directly, and again referring to more unconscious material graaped by a conscious upstream effort to help the other who is merely drifting down the lazy river
Incidentally what happened to Von Rivers I wonder
Or form that matter the character from Quiet flows the Don
I will have more empty spaces to fill up therefore it is learning on me that perhaps I am the one downstream bit not sure I want to permanently assume that