Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

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Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby A Shieldmaiden » Sat Feb 11, 2017 2:39 am

For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.
The man that walks his own road, walks alone

Old Norse Proverb
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby humunculus » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:04 am

Every one of those observations is valid.
Did you want to discuss them, or just put them out there for others to consider?
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby A Shieldmaiden » Sat Feb 11, 2017 3:15 am

It is a question for others to contemplate and answer.

What do you think?

Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?
The man that walks his own road, walks alone

Old Norse Proverb
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby humunculus » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:20 am

Chance (or, rather, a combination of unknown, unforeseen factors) plays a part in love, just as it does in evolution and horticulture and everything else.

Certainly, there is plenty of information on which we can base a 70+% accurate prediction of whether an individual will find someone to love; whether they will stay with one partner for a long or short period; whether they will be happy and successful in a love-match.
When you put all the eligible people on Bell curves for each of about two dozen mating factors, you'll probably find the same distribution as with most other kinds of human endeavour. The 60% who fall within normal range in all the traits have the best chance of finding multiple potential partners in the general population. They may have to make some effort, but not work very hard, to meet compatible others and and keep the relationships they want. A great deal can still go wrong, both through their own bad judgment or bad management and through circumstances beyond their control. How they cope with things going wrong is a measure of the depth of their commitment.
The farther a person falls at either end of the spectrum in more characteristics, the fewer compatible other people there are, and so it becomes harder and harder to find one. Very close to the fringes, their odds may approach zero.
Still, even very unusual people can improve their chances with strategy and perseverance.
And - you're quite right: maybe not everybody needs or wants to be involved in a love-relationship. There are other ways to live well and be happy.
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby Magnus Anderson » Thu Feb 16, 2017 5:31 pm

A Shieldmaiden wrote:For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.


I made that mistake some 4 years ago. Still suffering the consequences. We broke up back then but my ideal concept of her remained firm up until recently when it completely broke apart.

It's difficult to be realistic when you're surrounded by people who are not.
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby humunculus » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:14 pm

It's even more difficult to be realistic if your are inexperienced and have grown up on glut of romantic narrative and imagery.
North American popular culture is a mess of stereotypes, depicting the relationships of men and women in one of three skewed versions.
The fourth, and most nearly accurate (though still way off the mark) is in dramas where the male and female protagonist are
colleagues with no overt sexual or romantic attachment, though their working relationship contains an element of repressed
emotional tension. That sort of thing does happen, but, really, how likely is it that you get a boss or teammate
who is the appropriate gender, single, of your age-group and very attractive? Let's say it's uncommon.
But it's still better than the skinny-smart-shrew / fat-dishonest-clown marriage of situation comedy, or the sadistic predator - innocent victim
pairing of horror, or the happily-ever-after of two perfectly matched specimens in romantic movies.
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Re: Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?

Postby Arcturus Descending » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:20 pm

A Shieldmaiden wrote:It is a question for others to contemplate and answer.

What do you think?

Love doesn't happen by chance or does it?



We might meet the person who we will eventually and happily so spend the rest of our lives with by chance but that takes time, energy, commitment, trust, et cetera.
Some think of chance as having been written in the stars. It can also be nothing more than cause and effect ...being here instead of there at the same time.

Lust and physical attraction happening are something different though. They are not love but they are confused with love because the chemicals in our brains send out the wrong messages and because we love the idea of loving. We are romantic creatures betrayed by our chemicals. lol
SAPERE AUDE!


If I thought that everything I did was determined by my circumstancse and my psychological condition, I would feel trapped.


What we take ourselves to be doing when we think about what is the case or how we should act is something that cannot be reconciled with a reductive naturalism, for reasons distinct from those that entail the irreducibility of consciousness. It is not merely the subjectivity of thought but its capacity to transcend subjectivity and to discover what is objectively the case that presents a problem....Thought and reasoning are correct or incorrect in virtue of something independent of the thinker's beliefs, and even independent of the community of thinkers to which he belongs.

Thomas Nagel


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