It's not surprising that people respond and react the ways that they do. They see so many fall, after all, themselves included. I'm not afraid of picking the drug back up in the future if I happen to do so, because I know I can still walk away from it when I need to and want to. I just doubt that I'll get back on it because it costs too much money to sustain as a habit, for one, and, for two, is not as satisfying as sobriety. The drug is all fucked up and I'm not saying any differently. It's called the Devil's Drug for a reason, people stereotype it in wrong ways for a reason. We call people 'Tweakers' for a reason and I'm just saying that those reasons aren't just the drug, but combined with the drug to make it hard as Hell for anyone to sort it out, extricate themselves from it and please don't mistake me knowing I can walk away from it thinking that I'm free from what plagues me or what is associated with the drug. What I'm going through now is, to me, a brand new strain of flu mixed with the rain and cold of the weather, having to sleep outside and whatever has attached itself to the drugs themselves, not to mention other enemies I have. If any of you at any given time fail to see how I'm still suffering, please say so and I can remove all doubt from your minds. I am at odds with life and existence itself because it never should have been what it's become and the good moments, even for me now at this point, are too few and far between. I'm not crying, I'm not expecting sympathy. Even if I got sympathy and wanted it, it would generally come from those who don't know any better and speak falsities in placebo fashion to placate me, and, to be honest, I do still find myself needing even that some days.
It's turned into monsoon weather somewhere where it has never rained this much in recent years and if you ask me to blame it on some coincidence instead of what follows me around, you'd find me very hesitant to do so. Used to be I'd be hard put to say that, being just another cog in this murder machine of society, blaming it on coincidences. Like small, unnecessary expenditures, such as getting a mocha or latter once or twice a day at 6 dollars a cup, times 30 or 31 turns into 180-372 dollars a month. If you get more than that and then have other small, unnecessary expenditures, all of your money is gone before you know it, especially if you're using a bank card and failing to monitor your transactions; all of a sudden you're in the red. Just the same, coincidences become such that after a while can not be discounted as just coincidence anymore. If you expect me to show sympathy for those who fell for the bullshit full force and are going through something just as hard as what I've been through in my life, then you fail to realize that it isn't always sympathy that gets us through. I could be good at sympathy, but usually, mixed with what all else I am, it's usually some sympathetic sap that has to fill the role otherwise it just gets seen as another weakness for people to exploit once they're pulled through, once again, by me; who they hate.
I get that Reasonable embraces an established school of thought. It is, however, an unexplained school of thought and therefore not established whatsoever. Like everything else established as a school of thought worthy to keep, it has embraced itself as the be all end all and refuses to listen to other schools. I've already proven how Einstein's theory of Relativity wasn't fully fleshed. Newton's Law of Gravity is the same. Perhaps there's an established school of thought for why that is tied into far too much to write down or catalogue, us being lazy creatures, book burnings, violent uprisings, etc. I don't really care to know which for sure. At the point of refusing to adapt with the changing times, it erases its own establishment as a school of thought.
Basically, if one person; one jackass; somewhere in history can ruin it for everybody else so God damned easily, it stands to reason that one extra-mega-jackass can go above and beyond what mortals are capable of, reach into the power of the Gods themselves just to get a fucking foot in the door to have it be also true that one person can ease the pressure for all others and make things better. I'm still trying to take a break from it all because it is too much, it is 24/7, my brain hurts, my body hurts and I get the established school of thought that doesn't allow me to, but fucking God damn. It'd be nice to be able to take a break and have the choice whether to put myself back to task again. I might surprise everyone by doing so willingly if they ever willingly let me have an actual break and allow my mind and body to remain motionless without confusing it for being dead. My brains learned how to stop itself, it is not a constant perpetual motion device it has found out. Other things conspire to try to prove that, yes, it still is, but it knows better. My body knows the same. I'm pissed off, weary again and being pushed far further past my limits than I want to be and even if sympathy is to be waylaid, know that I didn't ask for it, just the understanding that, 'yeah, that'd be nice,' so I could respond with, 'well, why don't we try to have more nice things.' But then there'd be so many people acting out instead of explaining and would feel they'd have to teach me the hard way whether they had the words for it or not.
And that is, I know, why we can not have nice things.
"Everybody says ["I don't want to die alone"]. But in my experience, push comes to shove... it isn't the "alone" part people want to avoid. It's the dying."
--Cletus Kasady (Earth-616)