Had a dream about Ecmandu

I was at one of my old houses and I was taking female hormones. My parents caught me and threw out the pills.
I was furious and ran away.

I met Ecmandu at this fancy 5 star group home facility that looked like a resort. We were playing ping-pong and talking about how hard it was to get laid. The Ecmandu told me he had a girlfriend. He showed me her and she was banging hot like 9/10. Ecmandu looked like a sissy, and was very cute and had blonde hair in braids. The whole place was filled with sissy looking blonde dudes with their hair in braids or ponytails, sitting on the lounge chairs. I sat next to the chair of Ecmandu and his girlfriend, and started playing footsies with his girlfriend.
I felt like I was the most masculine one there. I felt like I didn’t belong. Noone I could relate to. Everyone had girlfriends except me. I started to hide under the chair. I could see fire reflected into my eye. My voice started to grow demonic and raspy, like a Theron guard. The lines between reality and dream began to blur. When I was talking, it actually felt like me talking in real life. I began to chant hateful things, and I felt this incredible despair that I would forever never have a hot girlfriend. Then I woke up.

I came across a very tall and good-looking man with his very blond hair pulled back into a ponytail, at my local mini supermarket the other day. : )

Did you bang him?

…happening to spot a nice looking stranger for a few seconds in my local supermarket leads to banging?

What do you think!?

If I was in your body I could seduce him in 3 seconds.

If you were in my body you’d turn me into a tramp.

Yeah but a (mostly) lesbian tramp.

Still a tramp whether it’s same sex or no… my lesbian ex-neighbour was living proof of that

You’d like her… she’s pretty.

I judge people based on the inside too.

I certainly wouldn’t be smiling if you didn’t have a partner Trixie … Whaddya take me for?

When I think of Ecmandu, Thom Yorke songs come to mind.

I think Black Swan should be your theme song, Ecmandu.

Let me take a stab at this:

Given the way you described it, it sounds like you suddenly felt like a real man the minute Ecmandu’s girlfriend started playing footsy with you. And that’s also when you suddenly felt like you didn’t belong, and that an inner demon was coming out. Maybe you feel that getting a girl is the only way for you to feel like a “real man” but the prospect scares you–it scares you to the point that as soon as you’ve achieved it, you throw it away.

I sense images of Heaven and Hell in this too: a 5 star resort where Ecmandu, and people like him, finally have a girlfriend is probably his idea, and yours, of Heaven. But then you feel you don’t belong there, that you are a fiery demon that must hide lest you steal all their girlfriends. It’s only the pussies that go to Heaven, pussies with long blond braided hair, like a bunch of effeminate men–the only place pussies can get women. It’s the old myth that nice guys never get the girl, never on Earth anyway, but in a Heaven built for Ecmandu and people like him, where all the bad ass masculine demons aren’t around, there’s no one else for the girls to run to… until you come along.