Does anyone else have a mind that tortures you? Perhaps it is jealousy, I have no idea… The most unreasonable of ideas, sick, twisted, cancerous, play through my head, things that can’t possibly be happening but I still find myself questioning whether or not they do, I still find myself in a constant cycle of frustration and pain. Images straight out of imagination play through my head, like a horror flick or perhaps even worse than the normal horror scenario…
When I am alone and the person I love is away these thoughts play in my head that turn me to frustration, they trigger some anger or pain, my illusive mind betrays me, it keeps me in a state of irrational anger, then it displays on my person or verbally, my tone and look, my being and body, it makes me look like a fool, where it is hard to explain or show why or what even makes me angry, there is nothing there to show or explain why I become frustrated other than the product of my own mind… It betrays me every now and then, my own mind betrays me. How can I turn off the images, the over thinking which partially tricks and controls a few of my emotions or being. I cannot create happiness with my own mind destroying it.
Am I some insane person that cannot control or filter my own thoughts and mind? Am I always destined to suffer as a result of this?
I want it to end, to turn them off, the over thinking. Why are the deepest minds the darkest… I ask for help on how to conquer this…