I suffer from an ambition that is superhuman. Nothing of what any human in history has accomplished would be enough to satisfy my will to imprint my will on the world. I wake up with my jaws clenched from the continually increasing pressure, as time passes, and the steps I am able to make are not nearly sufficient to give me the idea that my goal is within reach.
Ayn Rand said that no matter where he is, the man of will (or however she phrased it precisely) will make his fortune. But I do not want to make my fortune, I want to make the fortune of billions. So any steps I may make to increase my wealth and power are unattractive to me if they are only efficient in that. It is crucial that my philosophical basis is solid first - for if I want this influence, I must of course be very clear on the type of this influence.
It may seem strange that I am writing here, on a small internet forum, “wasting” time I could also use to accumulate power, but opportunistically applying my talents, which have often opened doors for me. But this is the problem - as soon as I entered through the gates of influence into a position of increased social power, I found the mindset there very shallow and petty, and mostly very ignorant on the subject of (im)morality. People in power are as hypocritical as others, but it is less tolerable in them. I could not stay long, I preferred to “fall back to Earth” and occupy myself with philosophy. That is the reason I am here.
I post this post now, because I feel that great chances are coming, and that it is appropriate to be more direct about motivations these days, than it was before. I know this is the case for me, and I sense and hear that others feel it as well. I don’t know what responses I would expect here, perhaps people have similar “issues” or think that it is funny (no doubt to many it is), all responses are welcome. I feel the times that are coming permit for greater achievements than have ever been accomplished.
The greatest influence one can have is to shape the mind of mankind. So the most powerful human is the philosopher. The real one, the Plato, the Jesus (if he existed), the Nietzsche. Of these, Plato was probably the most powerful. He influenced two and a half thousand years of thought, but with what? Such influence is perhaps always questionable. This is probably why my teeth are clenched.
I have been diagnosed by quite a few analysts and therapists (I am not in principle above such things) with syndroms such as megalomania, but the same therapists then attributed to me on the basis of that diagnosis all sorts of ailments such as psychosis. Not because I had psychotic symptoms, but because my ambitions are so unrealistic. There must be something wrong with me and the standard solution is psychosis. No matter that I am able to function perfectly well in society whenever I want to. In this society, there simply is no place for such ambition.
Our ambition is supposed to end at some petty riches, a couple of billion dollars or euros and then some charity for poor people in the third world. This is supposed to be the summum. It is a very poor and cramped intellectual world we live in. I intend to break this mould. If this makes me crazy, that is absolutely no problem - where does it say that craziness is to be avoided? All strong art teaches us the opposite.