My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

The origins of the imperative, "know thyself", are lost in the sands of time, but the age-old examination of human consciousness continues here.

Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:16 pm

Awesome I'll let you know when its ready
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:55 am

septimus wrote:
Image


Septimus, I have decided to use your cover in my ebook. Let me know if you are ok with this. Thanks,
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Ierrellus » Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:14 pm

Eagerly anticipating your E-book. You have much to say that needs to be heard.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:19 pm

Thanks Irrellus, the book is done. I should say it is more strictly memoirs with analysis throughout. Most of what was posted here is still there, with some editing and I should say that is probably half of the book what you already read. Here is the link. I'd appreciate if you all can put any reviews on it and click "Like"!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006ZR ... gpb1KMMBRW


You will need this if you want to read it on a PC I believe:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/r ... 1000426311
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Pezerocles » Sun Jan 22, 2012 3:49 am

WW_II_Angry, do you think you could post a link to the posts that are going to be refered to in the book?
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Sun Jan 22, 2012 5:09 am

Pezer wrote:WW_II_Angry, do you think you could post a link to the posts that are going to be refered to in the book?


Hmm, I'm not sure what you mean exactly. This is mainly memoirs of my personal experience, most of which those posts would be in this thread.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Pezerocles » Sun Jan 22, 2012 10:10 pm

WW_III_ANGRY wrote:
Pezer wrote:WW_II_Angry, do you think you could post a link to the posts that are going to be refered to in the book?


Hmm, I'm not sure what you mean exactly. This is mainly memoirs of my personal experience, most of which those posts would be in this thread.


Gotcha.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Pezerocles » Sun Jan 22, 2012 11:26 pm

I just got done reading this whole thread, and I am a bit in shock. A lot of clarity by most people, but espacially the one who theoretically should have least (WW_III_Angry).

I am now really looking forward to the book, but with a kind of forboding, like when I pick up a Nietzsche book (though the comparison may seem absurd).

Or maybe I am just a little scared that I might identify with some of the things there.

Anyway, see you after the jump.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:55 pm

Pezer wrote:I just got done reading this whole thread, and I am a bit in shock. A lot of clarity by most people, but espacially the one who theoretically should have least (WW_III_Angry).

I am now really looking forward to the book, but with a kind of forboding, like when I pick up a Nietzsche book (though the comparison may seem absurd).

Or maybe I am just a little scared that I might identify with some of the things there.

Anyway, see you after the jump.


Wow thanks, but it is a very easy and quick read, I'll guarantee you won't want to stop and it is not as complicated as Neitzsche. In any case let me know if you can put up a review if you get it, I sure do need some, I have no reviews yet!
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Ierrellus » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:54 pm

My memory is not too good nowadays and my computer suffers from the same senility. Did you give the title of your E-book and name of author? I wan't to buy hard copy--something I can hold and peruse. Is that possible? I'm fascinated by what I've read and firmly believe that such books, first-hand experience, are needed. I think your work is marketable.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Fri Feb 03, 2012 3:11 am

Ierrellus wrote:My memory is not too good nowadays and my computer suffers from the same senility. Did you give the title of your E-book and name of author? I wan't to buy hard copy--something I can hold and peruse. Is that possible? I'm fascinated by what I've read and firmly believe that such books, first-hand experience, are needed. I think your work is marketable.


The title is "Memoirs of madness", by Christopher Markowski. It will be available in print one day, but that would probably not be for another 18 months to two years possibly, as I am considering my options before I sign the print to order paperback deal.

Here is the link for the e book.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006ZR34BE/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby 0belafekete0 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:11 pm

simonsays wrote:I did not mean to make such an accusation. It's just that I have met people who have had psychotic experiences and many don't remember the details, specially what happened during the episode. Perhaps you gathered this info partly based on what doctors said, police/hospital records, family recollections, and checked it against your own memory of the event.
You do not have to tell me your diagnosis either and perhaps that was an intrusive question and I apologize. The only reason I asked that, is I glanced through the document and thought I may have missed it. Also, that some psychotic episodes are only drug related, while others (schizophrenia, bipolar) can occur on a regular basis and significantly influence the quality of life. I have read some of your posts and I find it difficult to imagine you were that same person who went through so much: you come across as very intelligent, and like you have your shit together better than most "healthy" people. Kudos to you!
. -----lets go back to "authority" . Splits come from the integration of authority whether it be parental or societal. Preoccupation with a toner for a philosopher is more than just a minor inconvenience. Its shows a break, (and there are breaks even in depressive episodes) the by now mute question that can be raised is -can philosophy transcend the cognitive-affective break? And as a consequence become a beacon to others, rather than becoming an Avatar?
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby 0belafekete0 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:14 pm

0belafekete0 wrote:
simonsays wrote:I did not mean to make such an accusation. It's just that I have met people who have had psychotic experiences and many don't remember the details, specially what happened during the episode. Perhaps you gathered this info partly based on what doctors said, police/hospital records, family recollections, and checked it against your own memory of the event.
You do not have to tell me your diagnosis either and perhaps that was an intrusive question and I apologize. The only reason I asked that, is I glanced through the document and thought I may have missed it. Also, that some psychotic episodes are only drug related, while others (schizophrenia, bipolar) can occur on a regular basis and significantly influence the quality of life. I have read some of your posts and I find it difficult to imagine you were that same person who went through so much: you come across as very intelligent, and like you have your shit together better than most "healthy" people. Kudos to you!
. -----lets go back to "authority" . Splits come from the integration of authority whether it be parental or societal. Preoccupation with a toner for a philosopher is more than just a minor inconvenience. Its shows a break, (and there are breaks even in depressive episodes) the by now mute question that can be raised is -can philosophy transcend the cognitive-affective break? And as a consequence become a beacon to others, rather than becoming an Avatar?
. I am in. Similar situation except my madness" is a generational one, and it has elements of the Jewish holocaust, never having americanized, lost privilege, all leading to split with what I used to (and still at times see) as a disprrivilaged situation. But depth psychology (jung) has helped, and now the suicide of my son and a posthumous debt to publish him (e publishing) has become a priority. But this new break for me, and I am using this in both the literal and figurative sense, is problematic, since I try not to see this seeming necessity to publish as an ego enhanced , and have nothing really ready, but something may eventually come of it.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Fri Jun 08, 2012 6:19 pm

0belafekete0 wrote:
simonsays wrote:I did not mean to make such an accusation. It's just that I have met people who have had psychotic experiences and many don't remember the details, specially what happened during the episode. Perhaps you gathered this info partly based on what doctors said, police/hospital records, family recollections, and checked it against your own memory of the event.
You do not have to tell me your diagnosis either and perhaps that was an intrusive question and I apologize. The only reason I asked that, is I glanced through the document and thought I may have missed it. Also, that some psychotic episodes are only drug related, while others (schizophrenia, bipolar) can occur on a regular basis and significantly influence the quality of life. I have read some of your posts and I find it difficult to imagine you were that same person who went through so much: you come across as very intelligent, and like you have your shit together better than most "healthy" people. Kudos to you!
. -----lets go back to "authority" . Splits come from the integration of authority whether it be parental or societal. Preoccupation with a toner for a philosopher is more than just a minor inconvenience. Its shows a break, (and there are breaks even in depressive episodes) the by now mute question that can be raised is -can philosophy transcend the cognitive-affective break? And as a consequence become a beacon to others, rather than becoming an Avatar?


Can philosophy transcend the cognitive affective "Break"? Well no not really, not to the extent that philosophy is based upon the situation humans are in.. But do we really want to? In any case, people will not be able to overcome cognitive affective influence. Can philosophy help people rise above to a more objective perception? Of course..

-
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Fri Jun 08, 2012 6:20 pm

0belafekete0 wrote:
0belafekete0 wrote:
simonsays wrote:I did not mean to make such an accusation. It's just that I have met people who have had psychotic experiences and many don't remember the details, specially what happened during the episode. Perhaps you gathered this info partly based on what doctors said, police/hospital records, family recollections, and checked it against your own memory of the event.
You do not have to tell me your diagnosis either and perhaps that was an intrusive question and I apologize. The only reason I asked that, is I glanced through the document and thought I may have missed it. Also, that some psychotic episodes are only drug related, while others (schizophrenia, bipolar) can occur on a regular basis and significantly influence the quality of life. I have read some of your posts and I find it difficult to imagine you were that same person who went through so much: you come across as very intelligent, and like you have your shit together better than most "healthy" people. Kudos to you!
. -----lets go back to "authority" . Splits come from the integration of authority whether it be parental or societal. Preoccupation with a toner for a philosopher is more than just a minor inconvenience. Its shows a break, (and there are breaks even in depressive episodes) the by now mute question that can be raised is -can philosophy transcend the cognitive-affective break? And as a consequence become a beacon to others, rather than becoming an Avatar?
. I am in. Similar situation except my madness" is a generational one, and it has elements of the Jewish holocaust, never having americanized, lost privilege, all leading to split with what I used to (and still at times see) as a disprrivilaged situation. But depth psychology (jung) has helped, and now the suicide of my son and a posthumous debt to publish him (e publishing) has become a priority. But this new break for me, and I am using this in both the literal and figurative sense, is problematic, since I try not to see this seeming necessity to publish as an ego enhanced , and have nothing really ready, but something may eventually come of it.


Write, and don't let yourself hinder your words
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby precious007 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 3:55 pm

Quite long, but I just bookmarked it.

So is it bipolar I or II, or schizophrenia?
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Ichthus » Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:32 pm

Read the sample. Were you drawn to Nietzsche before or after psychosis? Needs proof-reading. I do that.

I also went through something similar in 2005. Still have the fraction of it that I managed to write about, but reading it is embarrassing. I was such a deluded idiot long before my thoughts ran out of control. I agree that at the height of the episode(s), only someone totally in synch w the individual will ever bring them back. That isn't to say that there is no other way back. Just that if they are private with their mental torments, no human can help. Helps to have good reasoning skills prior to the psychosis. Psychosis is one of those things there is just no way to prevent until you actually experience it. You have to know how to anticipate and put a stop to the chain-reaction of a cancerous misconnecting of dots. Like learning anything else--you aren't born jumping rope, riding a bike, or telling your thoughts where to get off when they have begun running amok. Most people have a problem getting their thoughts going. Psychosis is quite an opposite problem.

But it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I've always been curious and need to research what happened to Nietzsche between the time he lost control and his death. Did it make him stronger before he died, or did he never make it back?
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:02 am

precious007 wrote:Quite long, but I just bookmarked it.

So is it bipolar I or II, or schizophrenia?


I was diagnosed with Bi Polar II, Schizo Affective Disorder and psychosis, with a dual diagnosis.


The term dual diagnosis is used to describe the comorbid condition of a person considered to be suffering from a mental illness and a substance abuse problem. The condition is also called co-occurring disorders (COD).[1] There is considerable debate surrounding the appropriateness of the term being used to describe a heterogeneous group of individuals with complex needs and a varied range of problems. The concept can be used broadly, for example depression and alcoholism, or it can be restricted to specify severe mental illness (e.g. psychosis, schizophrenia) and substance misuse disorder (e.g. cannabis abuse), or a person who has a milder mental illness and a drug dependency, such as panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder and is dependent on opioids. Dual diagnosis is also a term used for people with an intellectual disability and diagnosed with a mental illness. Making a dual diagnosis in substance abusers is difficult as drug abuse itself often induces psychiatric symptoms, thus making it necessary to differentiate between substance induced and pre-existing mental illness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dual_diagnosis
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:15 am

Ichthus wrote:Read the sample. Were you drawn to Nietzsche before or after psychosis? Needs proof-reading. I do that.

I also went through something similar in 2005. Still have the fraction of it that I managed to write about, but reading it is embarrassing. I was such a deluded idiot long before my thoughts ran out of control. I agree that at the height of the episode(s), only someone totally in synch w the individual will ever bring them back. That isn't to say that there is no other way back. Just that if they are private with their mental torments, no human can help. Helps to have good reasoning skills prior to the psychosis. Psychosis is one of those things there is just no way to prevent until you actually experience it. You have to know how to anticipate and put a stop to the chain-reaction of a cancerous misconnecting of dots. Like learning anything else--you aren't born jumping rope, riding a bike, or telling your thoughts where to get off when they have begun running amok. Most people have a problem getting their thoughts going. Psychosis is quite an opposite problem.

But it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I've always been curious and need to research what happened to Nietzsche between the time he lost control and his death. Did it make him stronger before he died, or did he never make it back?


I wasn't necessarily drawn to Nietzsche, but lets say as a whole I was drawn to philosophy after psychosis. I think without a mental illness I might never arrive here, and that sorting out all things psychological, logical, what is real and what wasn't, was a much needed pursuit after settling down. My curiosity grew naturally. Perhaps without the mental illness I would've went this direction anyways, I don't know. All I do know though is that, I was still a boy (mentally) when this occurred. I know my mind was out of sorts, and this break delayed me considerably in my progress towards a career and the man I was to become. The movie title "Girl, interrupted" comes to mind, but I like to lean towards it being an opportunity, in that it was a period of reconciliation of my mind to its fullest, a purge of all the madness dwelling inside throughout my teenage years and early 20's. Now that experience I have learned from, greatly. The madness is corralled, in so much as it's experience is now a tool, which I will use to build upon a foundation of a more accurate perspective or reality that many will go by and not ponder, not consider, and to perceive things to a fuller degree that I could not before.

Reading my own story over is embarrassing also. Nonetheless, it happened and if we can be embarrassed by the madness that was with us before, then that only means we both have taken great strides my friend.

As far as my past intellect, yes I was quicker and brighter than most, until I hit high school, in which I faultered, likely out of depression caused by boredom and other stress factors personally that experienced in my environment as well as naturally, or genetically. I can perceive how I was younger that this type of occurrence happened. My mind was fragile, as a teen and pre-teen, more so than most. Couple that with what probably was a little more stress at home life and personal relationships and my perspective of my self through social pressures that were probably a little higher than average, my collapse could be foreseen, (of course in hindsight, haha). That's probably a little difficult to grasp, what I wrote there, but I'll leave it.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby James S Saint » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:59 am

My first hand experience with psychosis was from a spank from the doctor when I was first born.
That guy had issues.
But I really haven't seen anything different since.
Clarify, Verify, Instill, and Reinforce the Perception of Hopes and Threats unto Anentropic Harmony :)
Else
From THIS age of sleep, Homo-sapien shall never awake.

The Wise gather together to help one another in EVERY aspect of living.

You are always more insecure than you think, just not by what you think.
The only absolute certainty is formed by the absolute lack of alternatives.
It is not merely "do what works", but "to accomplish what purpose in what time frame at what cost".
As long as the authority is secretive, the population will be subjugated.

Amid the lack of certainty, put faith in the wiser to believe.
Devil's Motto: Make it look good, safe, innocent, and wise.. until it is too late to choose otherwise.

The Real God ≡ The reason/cause for the Universe being what it is = "The situation cannot be what it is and also remain as it is".
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby Ichthus » Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:53 am

Man. Tough life, eh James? There's a story there.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby jabs » Fri Jun 15, 2012 8:05 pm

I tried to access the link, but I am not allowed. I am Bipolar-I, had only one episode of full-blown mania. Extreme hallucinations due to anxiety, but no psychosis.
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby WW_III_ANGRY » Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:04 pm

jabs wrote:I tried to access the link, but I am not allowed. I am Bipolar-I, had only one episode of full-blown mania. Extreme hallucinations due to anxiety, but no psychosis.


Which link did you try?
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby kowalskil » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:29 pm

fuse wrote:
WW_III_ANGRY wrote:And how's the nihilism working out for you today? Progressing any?

Yeah, slowly, thanks for asking.

I would still say I'm a nihilist, but there's no reason nihilism has to or should define me forever. What I am doing now is trying to get my life moving again (as opposed to being in stagnation like it has been). As things progress, I'll be bringing into focus my values. It will take time, but over a period of years my values will solidify and I won't feel much like a nihilist anymore. My values will remain more or less consistent and I will begin to unconsciously think of them as objective or certain. They won't be objective or certain, but they will be as good as..


Good luck.
Ludwik Kowalski (see Wikipedia). A am also the author of a book entitled “Diary of a Former Communist: Thoughts, Feelings, Reality.”
http://csam.montclair.edu/~kowalski/life/intro.html
It is a testimony based on a diary kept between 1946 and 2004 (in the USSR, Poland, France and the USA).
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Re: My 1st Hand experience of Psychosis

Postby dan25 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 6:01 am

take speed (amphetamine) for 2, or so, weeks, non-stop. one and a half to two ounces should do.
that shit helps me experience psychosis....
things get really weird when you go that long without sleep.... trippy.
nasty drug mind. im not advocating its use.... weed, however, is awesome. weed helps you think....i have some pretty good ideas when im stoned.... might not help everyone, in that respect, but it works for me....
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