one does not choose to come into this world or not. life is what one makes of it… a series of projects and goals one wants to accomplish for whatever reason. perhaps im just lazy and desire no make an exit.
life can be a splendour but as one does with a beautiful gift one doesnt want, despite all its beauty, reject it.
and yes ive been recently diagnosed with depression for such an attitude. it is not that i want to die because im sad, NO. i am sad because i want to die but feel imprisoned.
of course, the feeling of imprisonment would leave once i do. i am just annoyed that my decision is seen as a mental illness.
I was depressed for a quite few years. I also saw the ‘rational’ choice to live or not to live. But wanting to die (suicide) is not a normal state of being. Look at all the hardship people suffer, and still they go on. For a few depression is continuous, but the most try to get over it. I hope there is a way out for you. There was for me, but non-living option still exist in the back of my mind. As human beings we can make our own decisions.
I am up for review do to potential depression signs i may or may not be showing. i too am sad because i feel imprisioned. i do not know the reasons of your imprisionment, but i too feel that suicidal indications should be treated as a mental illness. Through out my life i have been advidly against the diagnosis of mental illness for i feel that in our society we feel that if we diagnose it, the problem goes away. it does not. and so they solve the problem by pumping you full of drugs that turn you into a happy robot. so don’t listen to the shrinks and solve your own problems. if suicide is your choice go right ahead, no one can ultimately stop you.
BUT know that you are unique for you CAN see the shackles. YOU can see the suppression. many people, in fact most people, can’t. and know this: shackles do break eventually. it may be long and painfull, but patience will be your friend. study your prision and you will find cracks in the walls, wait and you will know your oppressor. eventually you’ll find an escape. untill then, spend the time you have to your advantage. other people have broken the barriers before and they have books out there you can read. take tips and tools from them. and eventually…
but if suicide is your answer, I will not judge you. i will not say it was the fool’s way out. it is YOUR choice alone. and no choice is better than any other; we all end up in the same place.
( Tao Te Ching: Chapter Twenty
Give up learning, and put an end to your troubles.
Is there a difference between yes and no?
Is there a difference between good and evil?
Must i fear what others fear? What nonsense!
Other people are contented, enjoying the sacrificial feast of the ox.
But I alone am drifting, not knowing where I am.
Like a newborn babe before it learns to smile,
I am alne, without a place to go.
Others have more than they need, but I alone have nothing.
I am a fool. Oh, yes! I am confused.
Others are clear and bright,
But I alone am dim and weak.
Others are sharp and clever,
But I alone am dull and stupid.
Oh, I drift like the waves of the sea,
Without direction, like the restless wind.
Everyone else is busy,
But I alone am aimless and depressed.
I am different.
I am nourished by the great mother.)
Have a great life, however long you decide to travel in it. -Xen
thank you both for your kind answers.
i dont understand my condition… i do not wish to die… i just dont want to live. it is not a case of suicidal urges, i call it laziness.
i dont know whats my point of putting all this down here. i a not looking for people to convince me to live on, no. i just want to know what others think, even though it does not really matter.
to live life when one wants nothing out of it is rather taxing. many live on for their goals, to achieve, for the moment, for better moments… things that drives one on to live. why do i not have any will to life. (let alone will to power 
) where do i want to go? no where. the moment, the terrible moment i have to learn to embrace but i cannot. and yet i want nothing from/for the future.
some one once said ‘one simply cannot not live’. not true.
they give me drugs for my ‘lack of motivation/interest in life’. as if that is going to get me intoxicated with life. i see it as a dragging on of an eventual exit.
one must imagine sisyphus happy. this sisyphus would rather stop rolling the rock, how ever enjoyable it may be. why is this depression or ‘irrational’? y diagnosis is based on hte assumption that all living things are driven by a so called survival instinct. am i darwin’s defect?
thank you for listening.
That last sentence indicates indeed depression. As said I experienced the same a few years ago. But we know life has his bad and his bright sides, and depressed people look at life through the dark glasses. But there is always hope, and you have to work and try to realise those hopes.
I hope I can make my life worthwhile. I don’t do it for myself (because i see smallness of my life), but for my wife, the child that is coming, and all the other people. I look at the world and see balances. Balances between bad and good for example. And me going on, tries to make the balance to what supposed to be good. We all are connected.
Guest, hang on, and hopefully there will be something passing by, which you can grab on to. You know crises have a function and are signs of growth and development?
In my opinion, there is a difference between wanting death and not wanting life. I really do not think anyone of us really “wanted” life initially. We were just kind of cast into the world without much of a choice.
You do not have to “want” life and I see your point in regards to seeing this as an “illness.” It is kind of unfair and I can empathize with your position. Socially, we view things in terms of dichotomy. So when we hear that someone “doesn’t want life” we assume that automatically means “they want death” following the dichotomy.
There is nothing wrong in my opinion if you do not “want” life as long as you do not “want” death. In this case, perhaps we just have to “accept” life as it is just as we have to accept our birth and our death?
The question is “do you ‘want’ a will for life?” If you do, then you’ll find one. If you don’t, then you won’t. Perhaps your desire for a will to life IS your will for life?
Depression is lack of desire?
insanity and it kills me every day. 
dont know what to do. basic fundamental philosophical questions. whom? where to? whenc forth? why?
it shouldnt matter but it does. any body read tolstoy’s confession? his analogies hit straight home. only he seeked salvation in god. i cannot.
thisis nihilism in action.
what is my point? i know not. im drowning in my own self pity and pathos. man. i feel like pathetic hamlet. neither can i help myself. hah. self pity. i dunno.
who decides what is NORMAL or not, its just another label. Why does everything have to fit into this circle called NORMALITY by society?
Why should anyone give a damm what society thinks?
sadly we have to care what society thinks, for we are a part of it, as they are a part of us. we create this stream, and we flow along it. when someone brings up something that would potentially redirect its current, it’s called abnormal.
i think i’m understanding your condition a little better. Don’t want to live, yet don’t want to kill your self, eh? i think i might have a reason…though this is just a theory, so piss on it if you want.
You Are Bored. this just isn’t a boredom that could be quenched by doing an activity, or watching tv, or eating. Nothing is surprising to you anymore, nothing is novel. Even the excitement that the moment of death could bring you, you find dull, and unsatisfying. So what do you do? You sit and wait for the end to come.
I blame society for this one…at least the American society. We are given everything that we could ever want. So we eventually become bored. We see the bubble that we live in and dispair.
Am I on the right path?
i would like to clarify that this is NOT me, the one who started this thread.
although i do not care about what society thinks… (or perhaps i do, but not enough to influence my actions/beliefs.)
thank you for all your replies.
thank you rev. xen.
boredom. boredom is a experienced by mankind for we feel hte temporality of life. waiting for the end, whether we want it or not. life is about filling time with experiences and whatsoever. perhaps you are right. i am bored and neither do i want to do anything because im pathetically lazy and without drive.
by the way , i am not from america. xen. i learn chinese. what word is it?
Guest, some of your posts sound like Mersault from The Stranger but then
you write on your deep angst. You write as if you are just truly indifferent but then talk about depression. Human, all too, human.
Consider…
“It was previously a question of finding out whether or not life had to have a meaning to be lived. It now becomes clear, on the contrary, that it will be lived all the better if it has no meaning.”
Albert Camus
not an american? hmmm…quite excellent. For, as you may have guessed, am, and this place seems to have a quite a bubble around it. I too, feel bored at times, and i too despair for the lack of will to live yet seeing it pointless to off myself, for that would still be just part of the bubble. What do we do then, Guest? that right now is my drive: to find a way to escape this bubble, or, heh, to pop it…man i’m comma happy today.
well…let me tell you part of my plan.
I feel that if we can see this bubble, then we can see it’s escape holes, as i’ve said before. if you want to see society and our lives as a stream, then how the hell do we swim out of the water and climb up onto the land around it. I’ve been doing a lot of reading of other philosophers for i feel that most if not all have seen the bubble, and at least a few have escaped. I guess my one rule i live by is to be open to any and all ideas. See how other people live and hybrid it to my life. constanly change and update. evolve.
Another way of helping me understand this bubble that i’ve gotten oh so tired of is talking to anyone and everyone i can. I’m not talking your normal, everyday, titter, for that is what got me bored in the first place. No, i ask people about their lives. What’s their philosophy? You had a great idea of bringing your problems to the boards, for discussion is how things get done, and solved. But start, if you haven’t already, talking and conferencing with those around you. Family, friends, complete strangers, whomever. You’d be surprised how open and deep and accepting people react with you when you ask them about their lives. People like to hear their own voice and if you get them a chance to use it to discuss things they normally don’t a chance to even think about, they’ll be happy and willing to do so. And then you can discuss with them how you feel, and really listen and take in what advice they have, they’ll like you even more.
I have recently become alot closer to some people because i’ve tried this, and i’ve also have gotten them to change and update, as much as i have.
This is how i’ve been able to keep life somewhat pleasant for myself. As you said, life is just about filling your time with experiences and whatnot, and that i think is exactly true. So, make those times as pleasant as you can, interact with others, and maybe you can grow and learn and take control of your own life.
But remember, this is just how “I” live, and of course i could never be you, for we all have different lives and experiences who make us who we are. So take what you will from my humble opinion, even if its nothing. I am just another memory and these are just words. Make what you will of your own life, for in the end there is no end.
Hope i was of some help, and will always be glad to talk further with you if you want. -Rv. Xen
the stranger: ah i have read that book but i dont find that my situation is similar to that of mersault. all my posts have been hypocritical so far. one who claims nihilism but still evidently attaches some value, if any at all, to the things in life. i am a hypocrite. but yes, im trying to get out of this nihilism. the question is how to attach meaning and value, when you see/feel/ want none. its a shit hole ive gotten myself into. nietzsche would be so disappointed.
rv xen, as usual, thank you for your words. it seems that i too enjoy the thoughts of others, hence im here. it is one of the few things that bring pleasure to this imprisonment. but yet isnt that what we all have to find? to enjoy the period of waiting before the execution.
its just that i want it now. impatience, laziness and stupidity. i spit upon such an attitude and if the speaker wasnt me, id say, go ahead, your choice, enough ramble already.
perhaps im waiting for others to agree or tell me that what i say makes sense so i dont feel so stupid about my decision. and yet how does it matter if i supposedly dont care (hypocritical nihilism) and it wouldnt matter when im gone? vanity. all in vanity.
ps. there was no point to this post. there is enough of rants of this nature on the boards. its getting boring. the original point was me wondering WHY THIS DECISION IS REGARDED AS A MENTAL ILLNESS? shrinks and their crap. why is my decision supposedly ‘unnatural’ or even dubbed ‘irrational’ when i made it rationally and wtf is natural anyway? why dismiss my choice as inferior to choosing to live? how and why is existence better than non existence?
BECAUSE WE PEOPLE CAN MAKE A CHOICE TO LIVE OR NOT TO LIVE.
Sounds clear to me 
. If you don’t want to live you have less energy. On macro level it undermines human strenght. It’s something mental and it’s also some kind of illness, and so you your mental illness.
It took some time to sort that out, but isn’t the answer there somewhere ?
Thus is the life of a true atheist, and non-moralist. Thus is the nature of true life, a struggle between nihilism and our will to power. It is a feeling that many have felt, atleast that i have felt, and still currently feel. Thus is to be human. For Neitzche he overcame this by overcoming himself, by trandsending beyong the all-to-human, and creating life for himself.
You seem to know your nihilism, but you are unable to accept it. You need to figure out what’s wrong with feeling the way you feel, and why you cannot accept it.
yes, depression is a lack of desire, I AGREE. but I dont agree that the suicidal intentions are that much of an illness. in some cases yes, but sometimes a person is completely within the senses and sane and is willing to perish becasue the higest pleasure in his/her life seemed to perish. there is nothing to be done about it externally if the person is convinced he/she will never be as happy as before some DIVIDE moment.
First the definition of mental illness. I posted thisbefore;
I bolded the last sentence. ‘If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger’. If you can overcome the feeling of not-wanting to live, you can regard it later as a worthfull experience. Your immune system will tell you the same as with illnesses caused by bacteria.
Everything seems true, to the point of overcoming the feeling of not- wanting to live. But what should a person who is not so strong and (knows about it) think of his/her “immune” system,? Isn’t he/she a prey to his/her own feelings of underestimation, low self-confidence, low enough to kill itself? I don;t know if I make it clear. What I’m trying to say is the point at which there is no way out (lifewise) and the person is aware of it, yet still has no energy (willingness) to gather the forces and transcend this viciuos circle contributed to also by the feelings of inferiority which are extremely detrimental.
writing this, lenore can’t see through the tears, but damn it…