The woman with two husbands and the man with two

By this time, it may become obvious to the dear reader, that any gramattical mistakes, may need a morning after of sobriety to repair, and so, I beg your forgiveness, for the time span, within which, this may become possible.

In case you are wondering, why such rapid recovery for this afterword became possible, without the aforementioned mistakes, it is because, everything possible was done to block,the effects of , and that corresponds to my earnest effort to stay within the confines which describe literacy. Thanks.

Then Chump decided to lay low, and put up with all the husbands, because he knew is his sinews that that jealousy hurts the jealous most, not the one being jealous of.

And what of the Old Country? Almost bought a condo there, and he knew, the mathematician talked it out of him, because his whole family on his father’s side did not like him, nor his mother, and he told them actually why Old Dad married mom. It was a love of a mind, yes, but it had political overtones, rationalizations. To start with his mother was a catch. A catch , that a very quizzical landed gentry could land, he being over thirty, his last lover a German soldier, before fascism became unfashionable, after say , 1943, when the tide turned.

Convenient also, from the most important turn of events, that of the changes of regime.

So little boy , do not grieve, for your mom and dad, the Europe of long gone now divided between the guilt and the compensation of fruitful immigration, has been body politic since 1945, an atonement of sorts, no wonder Europe abhors an opened scab caused by the injuries of ages old desire to return to grand old Vienna with its wine, women and song.
The slow time waltz, was surely relegated to the dustbins of those, who seem to discount a resurrection of magic and wonder in the eternal visage of the deep blue forested night?

Who dare?

Except those whose mind turns on the anthitetical ,the age old prolegmia of opposites? Of a hope inwarranted of a night of eternal spring.

Rites of which resonate like Nijinsky’s rose,but only more and no dread, cause his problem solved into echoes of phantastic idioms swirling around orbs of
specific aura?

Have you lived the life of the cave, being in it, for so many years, your only illumination the neon throbbing of a Chinese laundry and spiking on acid, lying on a very intricately woven oriental rug, and with the music of tapestry, and wishing to meet Neil Cassidy, but only Serling with Maggie Cassidy?

Very intricately woven, when out of a bar Stampede late night, buzzing your Honda to a friend, and he wanted to play ghost in the dark park, only the song brown eyed lady can spoke of, and change reels, and in the mode of future perfect asked the same from his youngest son Chris, if he wanted to go to the bluest black of blue parks, and groove, and he said no, let’s go to the Madrid restaurant diwn the street, and he said no, what’s there?

A full house darkly lit, no Wagnerian magic there, only the hushed murmurs of damask, clanging silver, and phony politeness.

What else is new my dear, here, in the world of the bizarre, the ridiculous, and the absurd?

Im more interesting in seeing the hermaphrodite with 2 penises bang her hot lesbian girlfriend.

Cebu, may 23, 2017

Hotel room blues. Alone second beer if drink it. Make it last. Her other husband back at home, and that on top of hill with swell view, under foreclosure. The man hired lawyer, yes, she says, it’s possible to save it but.

No one will quite understand the preturbance of the debts of what he feels for her. She is a big time player in a small pool here in Cebu.

They are leaving in a week. Her business collapsed here because her niece the director had no compassion or honesty about her. She went from living in the Dondo part of Manyila to a good part of Cebu.

He thinks he can’t write honest about her or everything going down cause it might get back to her and hurt her. No such thing. Thinks of the song…don’t go to town disabled, tied to a wheel chair.

He has sat and wondered, about her, and began search Craigslist out of fun stopped himself. Stuff about Trump bothers him. When he first went to states through Ellis Island at age 9, Ike was a broad grinning general, honesty impersonated, America milk and honey, projections and intuitions of great years ahead. Now, Turner classics become a mania, whereas Americana on. Global stage, evidences the naive optimism that would turn his vanishing adulthood into a liftime of adolescence, defy the times, as well as put forever brackets on natural highs , and sorrily lows for that matter. Someday, winning a Nobel prize would be great, as him and a guy named Lee, formed a projected future friendship, bonding from a sorry skinny kid to alley his desperate failure with the upper crusted kid he learned to hide from, a lesson well learned from his ma and pa, both hiding from reality, he because of fear of frequently changing ideologies: always wanted to stay on the right side, and she because ineptetude drove her to exclaim to her mom , the confessions pietetude, when on her bedtime knees, she beseeched the good lord to spare her of the eternal indebtedness caused by extreme wealth.

BUT THAT WAS THEN. and now that image greeting, he most of all wants to remember when, and ho back in time to one particular tree in Los Angeles, that was marked a decade later by a newly babtized flower shop called my secret garden.

They are do to leave in one week, and she is not responding to his love vibes as she used to. Her forlorness focused now on a variety of shambles, of a multitude of failed business ventures, and losses of hard earned and inherited fortunes only loosing their faint luster with the passing of each year, and the start up of a new business.

Sitting in this hotel room, aptly named Mandarin Oriental, while others would gladly walk along the debris of Cebu’s better neighborhoods, he stills his aching heart, hoping when she reappears, he can still feel and sustain the feekings. that now envelope his heart, appearently , only.

The tree in the park will still be there, the heat so sticking here, the swarming humanity, devalued to the point of an incredibly naive smile to attract, could, if he wanted to attract yet, but he loves her, her. Second husband back in ol’ La, and as he is writing this, he could think of one redeeming rationale to put ink to paper, stuck to him, as the sole surviving tool with which to diminish the angst of writing for its own sake, whether to seem like garbage, or memoir ridden non entity, or a free flow image begotten recorded of floating scales suspended in air: that Michael Wilding Jr. wrote one tiny little saga of his own try at the 60’s inspired commune life’s transformative forceful effect to out bemoaning, and introverted home bodies, to face life as it is, get involved, even if, drug induced states leading to awfully recanted shades of continuum from shyness to paranoia tried to shut the doors of perception so available to those whom only an internal dialogue, preferably on paper can come even close to liberate.

Now the second husband entrenched and enscombed in tha foreclosure property proudly overlooking a cascading , firefly of thousands of points of light in the San Fernando valley, cooks his modest meals, always displaying the marriage cirtificate which allowed him entrance into the land of the brace, cooking on a small camp flame. It is with his son now that she is out with, although there is no physical thing going on between him and his wife, before he left, he touché
He touched her knees. So what? He thought, even if they suddenly disrobed and had sex, he would love her, after so many a summer, the swan, the swan of Leonardo, so exotically and lasviciouly displaying elections smothered by the tons and tons of mystical union and magical understanding, oh no, scarlet, don’t take it to town.

You are just chicken shit, that’s all, no life low life. Only dream scrapes, wannabe tries and plenty of images dredged up from cavalier times of below the threshold.

First time as when how scare as the milk flow like white bold, and just by thinking of something not on recall, but the recoil was assuring, things back to normal.

Then after standing on a street trying to engage a black woman to pay a weeks pay for a half and half, and did it went home proud containment of thought, no longer a virgin.

There is absolutely nothing going on , husband to a woman married to another man with five sons, each of them a confidant, speakin’her language, and all dimunitively expressful of his communication all infurmity which matters very little here.

When his daughter lived here years ago, came here to save her from a haunted house, which became national news, she changing her name to Star, whereby sorting unspoken narratives yet to come, where it will be examined why such name never was justified, he still obliged a kind of spiritual linkage to Scarlet. But now, she is the one, who it is beginning to look like doesent give too much of a damn, but his love, the love that resulted in four children and six grand children began to encapsulate the sum total of his compensating magnet for lack of a better word, for the ever present feeling to fend a force of overcoming the futile and ever unceasing fear of abandonment.

They are leaving in one week, and the first week filled with activity to salvage this newest of failed businesses, came to a halt, when he expressed little interest to pursue her dream.

Back there, the renewed interest in grass, of another reality obsessed him, while here, as he told Star’s husband, very strict law as had prohibited such endeavors , at the cost of severe punishment, even the
threat of extra judicial execution.

So cool, the fear of cool, where everything is near hundred degrees of solitude. Everything there becomes possible, and now after restitution of that dream suddenly collapsing into a heap, not unlike that with which Hart Crane wrestled with , at one end White House shimmering fantastically in the red desert of Cuban abandonment, Hemingway inspired hide away, whereas the Brooklyn Bridge grey and tomb-esque, leading to but never getting to a blazing other end so hopeful but so unforgivingky disappointing in the end.

They came back, chattering away, she saying she could not bring the promised chicken, but later will have fish. The guy , the son, said they ate. The thought did not occur to him to ponder on why he was not invited.

Let it be he recalled the early John Lennon inspired message in that now a classic oldie, and he thought, that perhaps when ready, the fruit of what he planted could attain a harvest, even if of strangely twisted metaphoric content. Still, all in all, it is worth it.

I want to give him a name, but best, he is really a man with no bane,

With no name, better leave him like that.
A horse with no name comes to mind, using it here is merely a superlative.

He stares out of the 23rd floor, the dusk has earpten away at the edges of a grey street, points of light like fire flies begin to swarm over an uncertain lower realm.

If only he could take Scarlet tonight, but even then, when it still had a buoyancy and urgency to rise to the challenge, her response was guarded, mysterious and enchantingly geared toward a self perception clad in the vestments of hidden purity. For she was only 16, and for a brief moment in her life scape, thought of betaking into the service of the Lord in the nunnery.

Need to purge this man of all his restraint, the author thinks, for it is as a purgative, that he needs to view expressing his blocked world view, a catharsis to transcend his late son’s motto to live by: Carpus Diem!

Day two wholed in.
Leave in weeks time. Thoughts bout asia,many.
The haunted house .
All about star. My daughter. He was dictating fast, could hardly keep up. As if he was rushing against a sudden onslaught of time.

That was a few years ago, before a method was established, and the mane of the horse replete with bane, …and Bendon was still here, with him, and he spent six months bonding with him, wanting to adopt him out of pity. For back then everyone was on sha-boo.

So amid all the confusion and all signs indicating a renewed downward spiral, and constipated silly on words still, starting with 1 beer, still crazy after ALL
these years, hoping against hope THE depression would not come back after only 2 beers,
Gotta hand it to you boy, with so many husbands, some real some not, but one guy back in the navy told me in the shower I have no thing to worry about, that said.

But worry comes anyway.
One of her patients was a guy in the movies, the guy who who did hang from self prescribed sexual strangulation in bancock, kill bill, he was in rehab at the time for withdrawal.

Innuendoes aside, back to the haunting. Besides one of the very best vehicles for a great progenitor of ghosts story, ‘The Haunting’, more desperately scary, where sensitivity meets the supernatural entity, reminded him of the more than normal coincidences happening, [ALL THE TIME], without realizing how desperate mystics of all times, (mostly orientals, but some many German ones), who have come to bad ends on account.

And she broke in with loud gasps about the haunting, this and that, that it is Real dad, it is really happening you know.

So now, what is happening, after he says had to pawn my truck that was subsequently lost on account of Scarlet holding me to a tight leash gambling and all.

Now Scarlet, You know is special , very special, and she can make things happen, in any case, the truck pawned bought ticket, and came to rescue star who was on the edge, having draped her room’s only window looking out on the river, with an American flag.

This is her version:

I was doing a reality show, and my agent was a lesbian . She shortchanged my wages , and then they canceled me because of the thing with PETA. I did a outrageous photoshoot in front of the cathedral wearing only lettuce, to protest the meat industry and next day was front page in most Asian news markets.

She claims she didn’t do it for publicity for by that time she was centerfold, and doing the reality show, and so on …?

But trouble started. She went two years to Strassberg in Hollywood, the same as a lot of stars did to jump start, and took voice with Michael jacksons voice coach. Later after her career dove, she did a disc jockey stint, but by that time, her fears of appearing in public and her obsessions with whitening her skin began their descent.

The Jeep pawned he got there in time, and strangely the huge glossy who haunted them did not touch me.
I was immune to the clutches of evil, because I could contract myself, into the mystical way, the way of the redeemed.

How redemption came about is another story extended through reaching a new horizon, he said, as he shifted his body in the overstuffed chair.

But it was a seance of sorts, the description is to follow, as if by a pre planned coincidence, but really, a very honest appraisal of what happens to spirits when they are automatically compressed, mixing the real thing with its effective counterpart.

What about you, he asks me, what’s in it here for you? I am here to observe and make friends that’s all, as long their ego trip does not consist of alienating subservience.

“Ok”,

That’s all he said and continued about relating to the haunting incidence.

“I was alone” , he whistfully related this, as it were an admission of guilt, and as a backwash, he presented the only thing he could think of when he asked allen ginsburg about drinking while dwrting and he goes yeah, but only when you’re alone, and never outside. But that was 1982 in boulder, and this is here and now.

So it’s ok 2nd beer not too bad, the gurl (in cassidy’s phraseology) as long as not to exceed 3.

Ok.

You’ve got a friend, at least one like terry was. But more of terry later.

The method: means more then what it looks like , he, with a wink implies, and so matter of fact lay that you could almost hear a pin drop, he whispers, any part of this could be edited or dropped, dont worry.

But the haunting suddenly stopped after he arrived, he claimed, and it was not only when they were ready to move out of the building for the rent was way too high, that the premonition was made credible right before his eyes.

This is how it went down:

Sitting around the very fine coffee table made of exquisite teakwood, covered by a slab crystal , when all of a sudden.

The crystal broke, right cown themiddle, perhaps in retrospect reacting to unseen pent up energy,that could manifest. No reason for it to have splintered at that particular moment, …

Noted but not particularly , as some kind of unforeseen event to herald another, no particular attention was paid to it. They moved, Star, and her entpurage, with little Benton in his arms, whom he had to give up to a Catholic place, as his adoption did not go through, and with heartfelt trepidation that he left him there, his heart bleeding, having to get out through the bAck door, so he will not notice him. The place was bad, but the catholic missionary priest assured him he will pay attention to him.

He left him there, guilty and the drops of rose petals masked for the blood of hearts enveloped him, but really dying inside.

So they moved to a more affordable place, and not even trying to hide his remorse now, but in an escape mode of trying to get back to the states and leave all this behind him now, he called the leasing agent asking him to return her deposit, do they can purchase a return.

She exclaimed that , haven’t he heard the news that the new tenant moving in died the very first day he moved in, sitting by the broken coffee table, which, for, incidentally, when are you intend to pay for?

Still in my room.

They went after , on business, to try to figure what to do about it. Too much money down the drain now, can’t close it, gotta get a loan, and change the whole
thing. OK. Went down the street and had a haircut for 30 pesos, including facial massage, which is cheap even according to these standards. Then
bought a pair of used jeans, for three bucks, and
gave 25 pesos to the homeless man, who didn’t ask for it.

Martial Law announced in Mindenau, hope it doesent spread here, its Ramadan, expect peace, since the Muslim leaders asked for no violence after all it is a
religious occasion, the most important.

Weather suddenly somber, skies are grey, and temp down from very hot to hot. Can’t write gotto order a
beer,…Later.

Ok. Got the beer and its later. Thinking about the US position in the world, complex no here into this fine third world country, with huge contrasts, where getting a job is a big problem, especially in the provinces. Even with an education. You feel as if the color of your skin stamps you, as if your white man’s privilege is an embarrassment.

He says he never felt privileged, but in fact he is by fiat. After all the old adage of capitalistic imperialism has stuck to his mind ever since the fifties , and it has reversed the adage of the white mans burden, now it is the former colonies and passed imperium of china which are carying the overloaded baggage which the west has turned into, binding china as the creditor to guarantee the human inalienable rights that the founding fathers could not anticipate.

Am I strange, weird ? he thought not to have a young woman at my side, today at the pool I saw a common sight here, a well above 70 years old man with a twenty-ish girl carrying his baby, she howling for fright of the water into which they were trying to dunk her into. She was a mistasa, a word reserved those with bi-racial features. Pretty as a little angel, yet overplaying her fear of water, making her aged father cringe with all kinds of racial overtones. Me thinks, if it wasn’t for his guerenty from the life here, she would never have given him a look.

Are you afraid of death, he asks him, oh no, he too much protests, not at all, but if I gotto go, I must go out with a pint of whisky.

Yesterday’s haunting theme made him watch , appropriately, sticking to the theme, a film about haunting , the old house, the old antique pictures where the old family had tremendous baggage, suicides, murder…The essence of the picture consisted, of a very stern and old fashioned man , married to a much younger woman, who played on the side with the stable boy, got knocked up, and as a result, got rid of the unwanted pregnancy. The real father never knew, until which time where seeing his ‘son’,drowning in mud, taking his time to save him, too much time, the boy seven years old drawns.

The mother hangs herself, and she is the one who haunts all of the future owners of the house. Predictable, and boring.

Nothing at all like Star’s haunting.

What a boring life I have in overfed US, where the population has no idea of the necessity for inner grace and simple elegance , taking US superiority for granted, where this is the heart of the matter, social reality world wide can not be dictated by a philosophical materialism on the wain, the huge ww2 profits won, no longer an absolute guarantee of the real state of being for the overfed populations. This is the charm of Trump, his ambiguity is trying to set the picture straight, of course, never a thought that the truly wealthy could not hold their edge, by controlling a dehumanized, de personified automata populations, who really HAVE TO PAY TAXES. The wealthy need not change, it is all the rest who have to to accommodate the changeless beautification world of those above and beyond.

If this was so easy, then the threat of the venom of inflationary spirals congruent with its reverse, periods of recession and depression, holding at bay any notion of an ideological sense, to buttress this new world order. The wealthy do not want to loose their ability to dream, at the cost of those, whose nightmares have become many and well founded.

Thus he says, my secret garden there, always a comfort, a nostalgic trip into this timeless space, this my only escape into the world of pleasant odors and inescapable reservoirs of the grace of nature.

This is the saving grace which stops the wallmarts of mass appeal, and tempts a return into the airy phantasm of personal idiosyncrasy of grace.

Wish you had not gone to California, and still could breath in the autumn burning of fallen leaves, with its stringent smell, signaling the coming of the crisp air, the chimney spewing the grey whiteness of a Connecticut or Massachusetts sky, where women still sit around in an old Rexall, and think about a stranger, in town.

Or, the beaches of Orleans, Mass, in the late spring, with the shells of crabs dried and arid in the waning twilight. The rolling hills of the California blue, as well perfumed blue green as the jasmin and the honeysuckle invade the eternity which is the westward promise, gained only in aged barrels of westward hoe promise, as the sun sets on Route 66.

The freshness and the gaiety of this newly won promise can never ever be replicated elsewhere, and that sense of the wonderful and extraordinary, of which dreams are made of can never ever be replicated, for listen, there never be another good rushed place and time , where that aura of hope will ever again come back in alternating and dizzying cycles of mania and depression. The gay nineties, the crazy 20’s, the wonder of the sixties,could not anywhere but a young nation with unbounded optimism fair.

And he went on an on, how recoverable it all is, and the French, were wrong to be so down on a past recovered, they were old men, with old children , in old towns, which they built to last forever.

But nothing does, and after a time, the buildings stop to remind of the before the cut away point. History severes memories as well as the guillotines did heads.

Still in my room.
Still and no idea of whats going on but I stood my ground and stayed my place and she loves and hates me and it has been so difficult for her to decide between her exceedingly positive and superior professional standing alongside with the thought of how undeserving of her to tangle with her ex or at least with someone her caliber.

Now her our daughters in cahoots and she to my angel too I had to stand and make a stand and not buckle to their joint underhanded stab in the back false allegiance ,

For it is not reality but the musings of a dreamer a dreamer earthly half buried in the mud , and if you really loved her then you would let her unto other still early beings.

And , would never know and then your psychosis would undermine no further then the tainted genetic frailty of a long decomposing aristocracy of the flowers of evil.

Mea culpa mea culpa mea maximal culpa

And in my room my only room for ever and ever to which only a Steven king. Could allude to as in a shining star or a burning man.pink
Floyd.

Is worse then death this the feeling of sinking into the mud and how my male need could not buckle under but its one way or another and gallant gesture would have been to do this decades ago and now me the most unworthy of them all to withstand their common collusive understanding of my utility or place or anything else mattering.

A smattering. Though of whatever left of her exes and even subjugation to slavery at this point after the passage of many a decade. and the soul death commensurate with its fading brought compulsively alive by the past recaptured so near death and welcoming had it not been refurbished by the promise of everlasting slavery of the spirit.

But hoping against hope the message clear for even if ever for any reason and circumstance , the deal was set in eternity never to renounce even in the most ascribed circumstance of the vagaries of far flung memory.

Intercept fixed now have to this is important does it worth 300 for gentle touch for gentle seeking for deliverance from the finish?

That she is worth it no doubt this is laat chance last chance being in love , the more deceived the more loved don’t tell me long life for whom sacrificed many a young one and love like an eternally long love spiral fixing to ovwrxonw the limits of still here?

Still here next month out foreclosed out of this place this beautiful place me gambling earnest looking though looking yet the more earnest the bet?

And she like Gary Crosby’s lover, of Black Sun fame , blew each others brain’s no but Caress, so solitary and fine,

No You’d rather pay the 300 to be analyzed why threw it away on a number but can that equivixate the price for one hour of analysis? Panick setting in of running out of gas on way to the hospital where they can inject 25mg thorazine, the flashbacks and the terrible losses , bit survive survive for them for sure and 300 dollars not too much for wake up call.

I still have her will move over to a dowmtown no credit needed bed ahe won’t like it she’d be wondering what the he’ll happened out of this swanky joint she dis it and whwre is her other husband?

So now here again facing the reality of throwing the 300 away could have paid for analysis of obsessional gambling plus another 200 for useless analysis

Useless cause I know why , to not to loose precious digs, can’t couldn’t deal with it knowing her or the other husband whom I can’t afford to displace as a better man.

Its only 300 for my cruel love .

Another time another place one thing though love as a priceless coveted forever longing cannot will not break from want of a desperate commitment commitment, for this, willing to stake everything.

While sleeping this time so wiped out, will minimilize it and meditate 3 weeks punishing himself and taking public transportation everywhere.

.can he do it and go on a fast only piece of bread here or there?

Waiting for results of PSA test
She is listless . can tell the way she nervously crosses and recrosses her legs.

And now the foreclosure the plan for relaxing into it, whatever.

Slide into it gently . Drinking a lot . And try not wait wait always wait

But god is the everything in one drop seeing everything in one drop as who is looking back is no longer her. Someone long ago and now glad to still have her around.

Well here again cebu. 24 hour traces she is back. Don’t bother me appears happy with family not real family.

Don’t bother me go back to sleep. should have married to a phillippino many times I heard. , hear.She says people love me because of ebullient. personality, control iron clad,

Several times feeling the heat of loneliness in her.

Its alway a jump to the pathos here.

Love or was it? Early on and now hanging, the oriental charm, some buzzed out totally, expatriates, loose, and wondering & wandering to gain cultishly, and money means every bit of.

But belong ing well, lonesome travelers for big shots like me.

There is vampirism of course, through teams of wealthy worrisome pack leaders who see power diminish within social ingrates, ruling by terror of disengaged relatives.

The more the respect, dealing with disarrangrd rags is a habitual norm.

But no caring.

Love engendered early, after the impasse of many ways and revolutions, and see: the ABSUrd, no satiric connect, without which Noblisse Oblehe.

Create your own reality laugh in the face of its own reflection, appraise self through manifold regressive composited progressively, uniquely, and after many a summer the fragments of totally eek out some possibility.

Reverberation colonial give and take and brutal charismatic.dark newfound wealth through under doors of depravity light shines.

But costs enormous, and life death has shined there through the vagaries of time, the memory of it, is immediately erased, and translates into the realms of projected unitary burden to bear.

Simulation has long been the modus operans here, the power to move, elements shrewdly analyzed , weaknesses utilized for advantage.

This the first day, heatful streets circles of familial confusion, families undefined, dazzling tight lipped and perfectly coiffured women, blazing with determination, where byways
shimmer unpolished and long ago abandoned.

They say Phillippines was once the most prosperous nation in Asia, post WW2, but everyone profited into non production , it really took off into accepted greedful powerhouses familial with the earliest social organizations.

Existentialus piled on top by other methods, some almost Zen like but ohso connected with desire, kids running rampid in soul less rags, and now turning toward China cause uncle Sam has turned from beneficial Lord to calculated step- ladder to his own device.

Perfect simulated smiles, Her really through infinite lasting work, here , appearing almost magically as some kind of pseudo mystical being.

Is sleep immediately hitting the sack unable to stand up admittedly, sheepish, against this backdrop she manages to convey impression of diminished perfection on my part, now expect no a sudden reversal based on childhood glee at pasalubo gift giving , and that too has to be considered.

Explanation due mind reader on need to uncover some meaning without which demolition would consume the negation of it all, because it really is, really is a total eclipse of a two edged sword, which barely surviving back home, desperately would exorcise here, for she knows, all of them know is merely a convenience one can never really fathom, as coming out of the mouth of self fate.

Abandon all hope, hanging in for decades and decades whereas here tumultuous men and women dematrimonitize on the drop. of a mere trite.

Grin and bear it, and as such, will promise to turn this into more then a purely regimental endeavor.

This need, is inescapably infesting the capacity to form anything but truncated word Trump’s and vestiges, reflections into some corners of the universe, where single sparks try to recapture but not escape, cause it can’t, some general consensus.

You may say, oh well, or some such, but it is well known if fear of judgement and abandonment, how strangely cruel such work on others, identified, into spite.

Derangement and at once immaculately liberating, but a heath away condemning the like travails if the gifted and the burdened into its bold tropical burst of flowers.

Shared by many, even Einstein a touch, an artistic-autistic touchupped as him (Einstein) on the beach, and the strangeness of such cords, calculations, all in good stead, either be Long or shortened out.

But will either , such profiled, prolific charectarizatiins clear, or sink into the usual alcoholic binges that was this year’s resolve., Well lets see if it even can be attempted, or allowed to be dipped into , hopefully at some happy hour.

Never the less now I know I should have , must have become a writer, or should have could have
now diminished to existential seeker of exit any or most cost.

Of all, thinness and thickness without, or within.
.

Hanoi:

asking tour guy about if his father told him about the war he changing subject. Weather rain . saw no chi min mausoleum. Irony of ironies . try finding affinity with borders lining streets and she goes on projecting ism s of non quintessence toward me, and for that so love, her by now mysteriously involved for eternity’s debt.

Hanoi- Friday, Jan 11 2019

Fly in out to manila from there a 10 day party involving a business of high flung permutations where identity dispertion is more of a block to support support involved wife who I’m supporting

Becoming a hindrance to such effort, in spite demonstrating absolutely no personal interest in any kind of gain.

Must play another role, without losing objectivity.

Fighting urge with bottle .

She really is obliged to play a very loosely involved contributor, despite that it was her ideas which primarily began the business.

Assuming this is her price for the debt she incurred for emigrating too early, like me, and keeping her self together from her social organization 'primarily at home, and later loosely adapting to the US, as her now adopted country.

We are connected by a silken thread immeasurably reinforced functionally to extremely tight strength to evolve even by a meta languages understanding.

Could such a hardness ever loose fidelity and duration?

Even asking such a question in any kind of sense is almost too absurd, even a contradictory endeavor.

I must help her succeed somehow.

So we get to this dusty town called San Antenio Nuevo Ecija, after countless turns and the driver looked like wanting to take someone to a crucifixion, and get into his ancestral home he is making over, and I don’t really want to put class on him. So beside myself, to play in the grey zone because this are top line people, and in my head of hearts know that I am really doing this for her, who can’t put a.pen to any business, and may be and may be he is covering something; perhaps the money he is making after ahe set him up big time.

And honesty is my only defense and really I can flip class into anti-class.as quick as I can umsaddle a lousy shot of Vietnam whisky out of my pocket.

But then again, give some benefit of doubt where it belongs.

He goes, 'tonight there is going to be a beauty pageant , your wife will be the judge and you go on stage with her.
I came of hint around suggestively to the contrary, but it’s useless.

The cover is top secret and at times feels like a very heavy badge on a worried rookie. Anyway is like to pull this off for a beginning and fear a very tedious over exposure.

He is a big man in town never knew it by his diminutive looks , almost effeminate. I really don’t care one way or the other, and I just do not want to feel like I am indebted by his generous and amicable hospitality. I want to delude myself that any crucifixion to come can be extended.toward as.close.to the week we are here for non stop partying the trouble is he is as dry as the Sahara desert.

Now he puts me on the platform after the beauty queen was chosen and p
I help present her certification as prize winner. Next morning he says to me’ noe the whole town will recognize and respect your presence.

The borders have been pretty well locked in so hoping the feeling of being between the moon and new York city will wear off.

She asks me what I could do here in retirement if I had that resource and told her the only thing I could think of off hand is to write .

She is half way submerged herself coming from near destitution , so as is my need for drink, and I know as a dragon lady must hide emergency funds to sneak one in now and then.

Well, as it turned out , the owner of this 200 year old ancestral home has seen better times as well, and he acted out the role of ba-ba black sheep with more ease, but still he was torn between home and back in the ussa, as well but much better tuned in, and to his upturn in fortune , do to my wife’s ingenuity, for which she was unable to harvest much to her own home, resigned it to buy a new family, without which here she would be more of a non-entity. Whereas at back home her children are nearly at par.

The same goes for our kind host, who feels like redoing his 200 year old inheritance, can’t help noticiing for the impressive beginnings of considerable reconstruction.
A kind of twisting reversal of gone with the wind.

It appears he is keeping up with the owners’ of the Internationale chicken franchise as well, a very down to earth people, but multiple billionaires here. How much humility can one exercise before being tested for broke.

If there is a consequence , then it is not at all appearent, except by bits and pieces, hiding the various border lined familial relationships of various permutations.

It reminds of political and private collusion , where repression and political will are submerged , the border line between them narrowing bringing forth exaggerated refetences by way of necessity, providing privilege for it.

Solution option: mission impossible exit/ Dali paranoid method without portfolio.

To add fuel to the fire: Our host is aiming to become mayor of.this large town, and that is a credible move on his part.

Kafkaesque journey:

Lines of roaches climbing to the entrance of the castle.

What he fears consists of a very fine delicate balance between over and under exposure toward the interior of the place, no apologies are.needed at this point. If the protagonist gets lost there , at this point there should be no fear of sign , no exit. (Except at front where ‘beware who enter here’)is prominently displayed.

’ The Subterraneans’

As for the rest, I think Jack Kerouac said it best.

‘O love, fled me - or do telepathies cross sympathetically in the night’

Tennyson:

Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell’d world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish’d, not to shine in use!
As tho’ to breathe were life. (ll. 19-24)

Supertyphoon ompomg is approaching the Phillippines tomorrow

…a case of battening down the hatches?

Stay safe Meno. [-o<