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Johhnny always wanted to put the paintballs in Eric’s ass. But Eric wouldn’t let him. None of his boy-friends ever seemed to let him put the paintball gun up their poop chute. This troubled Johnny, it was all he really ever wanted to do, and they wouldn’t let him. How unenlightened they were…it was no trouble for them at all, no trouble at all. It was just a moment of pain for them, but all the world of pleasure to him. Why could his friends not sacrifice but one moment for him? It was a spiritual thing. This he wrote in his manifesto.
Johnny prepared a vigorous excercize routine before commiting his crimes. He would eat an egg breakfast daily, as well as a chicken sandwich. Everytime he bit into a steak, he would hate all the other humans, who slaughtered animals. “Why does it have to bee like this???” He said, as he bit into the steak. After many months of preparation, it was finally time. He and Bob were ready. He was going to sacrifice himself for the cosmic timeline…the greater good…he and bob was going to change things…forever.
The tragic day began. It was july 11, or 7-11, a day america would never forget. Johhny wanted to be remembered as a the criminal you remembered in the sunday papers. They loaded up their paintball guns with thousands of rounds. The damage was catostrophic. They were malicious, mean minded people. They would see nerds, stop their car, and shoot the nerds in the balls with paintballs. Deep down, they felt pity on the nerds, they were relatable characters, victims of the patriarchy as well. They would of course, shoot jocks and bullies in the face, with paintbaalls. They would also shoot car windows. They would go around town and do this. Overall, they shot over 3000 paintballs. They would be remembered as the John and Sally of the paintball community.
A few days later, they ended the culiminating saga by shooting themselves in the head with paintballz. Concerned parents voted an end to paintballs, and paintball sales were immediately banned from walmart and all other places. All paintball leagues were shut down, and paintball arenas went out of business. This resulted in large amounts of suicides from the male population. Eventually, everyone either got sex changes or got office jobs, until the global warming got the water level so high that they drowned in their cubicles. The ones that survived, used the power of their mind to say that global warming was not real, and that the water level was not rising, even though all of the news stations talked about islands which were dissappearing because the water level was rising. Eventually, they all ate toxic gloop after the whole world became radioactive after all the nuclear silos were flooded, and new species was evolved, homo irradians. The End