Old Man's Song

Elevate form over function to get at less easily articulable truths.

Old Man's Song

Postby Ierrellus » Thu Oct 22, 2015 11:17 pm

His fingers, prone to tremble,
Clasp a chord's geometry,
Attempting erstwhile ease,
While his voice, rough from age,
Seeks remembered harmony.

Defying his infirmity,
He makes his joyful noise,
And plays and sings his past--
And does it
Well.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
ILP Legend
 
Posts: 12737
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 12:52 pm
Location: state of evolving

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Ierrellus » Sat Oct 24, 2015 2:06 pm

this poem fared well in a poetry forum. I'm surprised that it gets no comments here. It is not my best work, just my latest.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
ILP Legend
 
Posts: 12737
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 12:52 pm
Location: state of evolving

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Arcturus Descending » Sat Oct 24, 2015 4:35 pm

Ierrellus wrote:His fingers, prone to tremble,
Clasp a chord's geometry,
Attempting erstwhile ease,
While his voice, rough from age,
Seeks remembered harmony.

Defying his infirmity,
He makes his joyful noise,
And plays and sings his past--
And does it
Well.


I liked that, Ierrellus, though I don't understand - Clasp a chord's geometry.
Why don't you add a few more verses to it?

But cheer up. I composed a poem in April and it took til October to get some response.
I think that many of the poets here have left the building. But I may be wrong.
It has only been a week for you.
"Look closely. The beautiful may be small."


"Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the oftener and more steadily we reflect on them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me."


“Whereas the beautiful is limited, the sublime is limitless, so that the mind in the presence of the sublime, attempting to imagine what it cannot, has pain in the failure but pleasure in contemplating the immensity of the attempt.”

Immanuel Kant
User avatar
Arcturus Descending
Consciousness Seeker
 
Posts: 15645
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:15 pm
Location: A state of unknowing

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Ierrellus » Sun Oct 25, 2015 12:23 pm

Thanks, Arc. The geometry is the pattern fingers make in playing a chord on guitar. This is the first new poem I've done in awhile. Maybe it came out half baked. I only intended to show how making music can transcend physical handicaps.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
ILP Legend
 
Posts: 12737
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 12:52 pm
Location: state of evolving

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Orbie » Sun Oct 25, 2015 10:30 pm

I find it a good verse, if I may make a suggestion, equally half baked, perhaps, but instead of geometry, I would suggest calculus, or, calculate, calculated, since it was through harmonics that trig-calculus arose.
[size=50][/size]Allone's Obe issance



In answer to your prayer
sincere, the centre of
your circle here,
i stand ; and , without
taking thought,-
i know nothing. But i can

Full well your need-as
you be men
This: Re-Creation. With a
bow,
Then, your obedient

servant now.
One gift is all i find in me,
And that is faithful
memory
Orbie
partly cloudy, with a few showers
 
Posts: 7596
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2012 6:34 pm
Location: Night of infinite faith

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Ierrellus » Mon Oct 26, 2015 12:14 pm

Orbie wrote:I find it a good verse, if I may make a suggestion, equally half baked, perhaps, but instead of geometry, I would suggest calculus, or, calculate, calculated, since it was through harmonics that trig-calculus arose.

Clasp a chord's calculus does sound better. Thanks, Orbie.
"We must love one another or die." W.H.Auden
I admit I'm an asshole. Now, can we get back to the conversation?
From the mad poet of McKinley Ave.
Ierrellus
ILP Legend
 
Posts: 12737
Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 12:52 pm
Location: state of evolving

Re: Old Man's Song

Postby Arcturus Descending » Wed Oct 28, 2015 2:19 pm

Ierrellus wrote:Thanks, Arc. The geometry is the pattern fingers make in playing a chord on guitar. This is the first new poem I've done in awhile. Maybe it came out half baked. I only intended to show how making music can transcend physical handicaps.


No, Ierrellus, it didn't really come out half baked at all. I didn't get that sense.
I just don't know guitar lingo that's all. Someone who does would have understood it. I thought it was some kind of metaphor. :mrgreen:

Yes, making music can transcend physical handicaps or that the struggling to transcend handicaps can make music among other things. Or is it the same thing?

Sometimes we don't always understand a poet's poem but in hindsight it will maybe make a lot more sense. A guitarist would have understood it.
"Look closely. The beautiful may be small."


"Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the oftener and more steadily we reflect on them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me."


“Whereas the beautiful is limited, the sublime is limitless, so that the mind in the presence of the sublime, attempting to imagine what it cannot, has pain in the failure but pleasure in contemplating the immensity of the attempt.”

Immanuel Kant
User avatar
Arcturus Descending
Consciousness Seeker
 
Posts: 15645
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2008 5:15 pm
Location: A state of unknowing


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot]