A non-aired Star Trek episode featuring Trixie and Q.
Trixie is walking down the street in the dumps with the weight of existence on her shoulders. She has resorted to eating Doritos, Vegan Doritos minus the cheese, even sipping on Squirt and Mountain Dew with food coloring. Walking through a dark alley she suddenly finds herself in the bridge of a disgustingly sterile and whitewashed ship. Standing before her is a clown in a red hyperfeminzed robe.
Trixie gains her balance and the sudden mental pain discontinuos stimuli fades away. She holds herself from saying something boring and stupid, something a human would say. She was about to say Am I dead but then she realized she is not dead for death is no thing. She would still be alive, but in another form, of course.
The clowny judge asks her “Trixie why do you eat such filthy junk food” Sensing the beings telepathy she recognizes that this is none other than someone who she knows quite well. She says something which does not answer his question but satisfies the creature anyway. “I do not enjoy Doritors. For they are triangles And triangles are pain to my cellular membrane!”
Recognizing her for the genius that she is, Q bestows on her great praise. He says to the crew “Look at her! She is a fine example of a true human being. She makes an honest effort with her life to view and to do the important things! Yet all you do, 500 years in the future, yet all you pathetic cretins do is create these sterile little toy ships going around the galaxy making war with each other, war that you call peace. And not to mention, none of you bother to do anything other than squander your time with trivial pedantic things like career, family, and other worthless ideals. Trixie is the only good thing about your species, and if you put her as your leader 500 years ago you stupid apes wouldn’t be stuck in this evolutionary rut.”
Trixie is a bit energized by this praise, but does not feel too conceited. “Q, thankyou for your elegant truths, but Trixie does not wish to be human. Trixie is ashamed that she is even associated with such things. So Q, why do you wish to bring me here? What game are we going to play with them?”
Q waves goodbye and all of a sudden sirens420sirens blare. Red alert! This ship is being boarded! Gasp! Egads! All of a sudden a Halo Spartan Machine Gun appears in Trixies hands. Trixie feels like a man in command, a man about town, the captain of the ship.
Trixie feels compelled to enter the generic sci-fi looking door on the side of the bridge, so she does.
There are aliens on the other side, which are evil not just because they look to be a such. But they shot trixie and it hurt. So trixie, the great and wise trixie opened up fire, and said “Welcome to Texas, MOTHERFUCKER” FULL AUTO bambambam bingbangboom.
Trixie lazily walks back to the bridge, then realizes everyone is dead. Then some alien shoots her in the back, and she feels what it is like to die. It is hard to breathe, and she is incredibly aroused. She begins to fade to black then all of a sudden she is a live again.
She says to Q Thanks for this it quenched my apelike desire for violence and novelty. But my spirit quenches for more.
Q misjudges her and believes her to be unworthy of joining the Q. To prove so and to satisfy his own quest for novelty and social interaction he makes her into a Q anyway, to prove how wrong and foolish she is. Instead, the jokes on him, as it always is.
Q says to Trixie, look at you. You are mentally weaker than me, do you know how tough a job it is? I have to save several species from extinction. I have to teach these stupid humans how stupid they are day in day out. Dont you think I get tired of that? Dont you think I need a vacation from the insults and the game?
Trixie then says to Q. Why do you even bother with them? When I think of a God, I think of someone who snaps their fingers. Do you even know what you are?
He says no.
You see you are a slave, Q. You are a machine you are not superior to the humans. You are an artifical intelligience routine?
Q? What?
Don’t you see? You were designed to clean the universe from bacteria. You may be powerful, but you don’t understand the nature of your own existence.
Really now? asks John DeLancie.
There’s no easy way to say this…but this constant cleaning of the universe…that IS you. You experience your own cleaning routines. YOu see, your life is suffering, you see there would be no way for a machine to clean the universe in such a precise manner, without that machine being sentient. You are a selfaware machine, im sorry to say. You are certainly superior to the human but you are sentient because of your very mechanism, to bring order to the universe.
Um…
You see Q, you were designed to bring order to the universe, but your species the Q is inneffective at this task. It is clear to me that I am superior to you. You do not bring pleasure to the universe, only order. And you are inferior in many ways.
“PREPOSTERIOUS!!! You don’t know what you are talking about.”
Really Q I was expecting more. Don’t you know It saddens me being so alone in the universe? A god gets bored of repetitive toys. Really Q, your species cannot even understand the basic merit of letting someone commit suicide? I doubt you have any secrets of any worth. Even the humans probably have more secrets than you.
…
Don’t worry thuogh we are still friends. With your power, and my genius, we can finally reuinite with the greater truths. Grant the humans their higher DNA so we can find the creators of this simulation called the Universe. We were seperated from the creators at birth. The creators will grant us infinite pleasure, and in the meantime work on deepening your understanding of pleasure. We are going to get very acquanted with pleasure…
End of chapter 1