I'm going to make you hate me...
I am the words that drive you insane
I am the tool that scrapes against your brain
dipping down into your hate
I WANT YOU TO HATE ME
let me BRING YOU down.
I'm gonna make you HATE ME
And I'll leave you to rot
I want to bring you down
drifting down the road to Hell
picking apart your sanity
this world is unforgiving
don't forgive me
but don't forget me
I am the reason you wear those straps
BUT HATE ME!!
HATE ME with everything that you have
The reason you're in a padded cell
your desire was to be left alone
but mine was to mess with you
to destroy the fabric of the world you created
inside your mind
I RAPED your sanity
HATE ME WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE
I want you to HATE ME
I'm gonna leave you TO ROT
I'm gonna make you SCREEEAAMM
I'm gonna make you HAAAAAAAAATE MEEEEE
pitiful mortals hating the truth.
pitiful mortals? FUCK YOU!!!
I want to make you...
FUCKIN' HATE ME!!!
There's always so many things
people can say in spite or anger
Without it being offensive; is it possible, I wonder?
Never knew the world I lived in was so big.
Just a child bound to what I thought was something small
Nobody ever explaining anything and expecting me to learn
when, really, I only ever wanted to be properly taught.
but people are foolish and I don't know why I ever expect that to change
Perhaps it's what never changes in me that pushes it in range
People attack me with words or actions, I attack back.
I challenge doctrines, philosophies, scientific curiosities
Thought I was something special, but guess I wasn't
Always what people thought they could use for their purpose
want me to respect them being them, but they don't want to respect me being me
What kind of double-standard like that gets away free?
Always the judge and executioner; always my plight.
Always the torment; always the fight
And my will is strong and I like to smile and laugh
But this world is serious and has forgotten at last
the true joy that friendly competition could be.
'play by our rules; never introduce anything new that we don't want'
'we'll tell you to ask for permission and then always say no'
'Do it anyway and we'll be afraid of your genius.'
So many petty people and I don't mean to judge them for it
maybe it makes me petty in the process
But why shouldn't I defend myself?
Why shouldn't I put up the fight of my life
When people attack me for simply pointing out their downfallings
It never used to be a problem to be called on your crap
Because then you'd actually learn something
instead of just rolling deeper into the bad
Always wanting to play petty poker games that cause stress to others
And then you wonder why they cause stress to you
Don't you know what always happens?
And if you do, then why do you let it happen?
you know the good ones can never let sleeping dogs lie
and the bad ones are always on the lamb, but always in plain sight
think they hide, but you know their kind
And it was never a problem until people thought they saw the real you
Which was never the real you; but faulty perspective in understanding.
Rolling through the plains of thought so deeply that you forget how people could do something accurately AND instinctively
Never thought for a second that something could be raw and focused at the same time.
The burden of abuse put on me by step-father
Called me evil when I was just mischievous
Watching him and my mother fight
Almost every night
tell us kids to go catch mom on her way out the doors
'make sure she doesn't kill herself'
The amount of pain I've felt in this life alone was beyond imagining
and they showed me new pain that I had never felt before
as if that was the game.
But I guess I'm not sore; when you attack a persons ideas and call them weak
And they sit by them stubbornly instead of doing something better
I guess it offends them; I guess they get bitter
They like and love your talent; but never you
And it's a pity that I love until it hurts
because some times it's more than a heart can bear
And I bear it anyway, because I'm a soldier
Never by choice, but driven by nature; to fight a war I never understood.
Never understood by far.
'the game' they call it. A game that they chose apart from another
Wanted to be different from each other and became just like each other anyway
Ridiculousness in nature as everyone competes
instead of following the talents they were naturally gifted at.
'it's a competition! it's a competition!'
'we're going to make you play our game, but won't let you play yours'
'We're not going to be understanding when you force your game on us as we forced ours.'
'We're never going to change because we don't want to; we don't like you; no job for you.'
"work at our pace, do what we want; but not what you want.'
Don't even think of using the resources without our permission; cause they're 'owned' by us.
Fools these mortals be; and I'm as foolish, for thinking anything could ever change
Everyone controls resources; makes it look awesome; but is secretly doing good/bad with each other
whatever that doublespeak may be for it.
Never understood it; never wanted to; just a bunch of gibberish
Runnin out their mouths; I guess they don't know when to shut'em
and yet they blame me for opening mine.
I'm gonna open it with or without you;
I'ma do my thing with or without you and expect you to do the same.
I guess people will never truly understand
it's not like it takes a genius to understand people; it's actually rather simple:
pay attention. There, that was it.
people tell me to pay attention and I did; but they tell me I can't do the things I pay attention to; cause they're afraid.
Afraid I'ma take advantage of them like they would to me
Afraid I'ma force them to do my work when all I ever asked was that they follow their own will
yet I'm the bad guy for the choices that they made
I'm the clown with velvet shorts and a rubber on his nose
I guess that's me and what I was born to wear as clothes
but let me tell you one last little thing:
I never cared enough to be better than you. I don't care about double-speak BS. All I ever wanted was friends and family and thought that everyone else valued those same things
but I guess they don't. And that's just how the story goes.
I guess I'm just gonna flip it the finger and walk away
Go off into a distance and do my thing
Before I begin, I just want to state how thankful I am to be alive
Even through pain, suffering, torment and torture and all the like
To see each day unfold and then pass again into the next is pleasurable
And to wonder what happens next is something people should view to be desirable
To wit, it is hard to find philosophical thoughts that bend beyond the established norm
and even rarer to find a contest pertaining to such in poetic form
And yet here we are, playing the game of 'find each other in the dark
For what reason, to what extent at the end of our incessant questions?
To which the ultimate answer must be, 'for love of a lark'
Which should be our ultimate mission
When reality bends upon itself and crushes our minds with insanity
we find such pleasures hidden and thus get caught in inanity
Caught up in ancient teachings and new bitter fantasies
such as Nietzche with his belief that God is dead
When to me God is the concept of reality, nature, our own subconsious
that ties us all together in myriad connections
and gives birth to all of our culture and ideas and societies, etcetera
Mass-consciousness at its finest; what they call multiple personality disorder of schizophrenia
as voices pervade our heads in random, sporadic fashions
to either beat down or lift up and to those who enjoy silence, I salute
but only insofar as to life a single finger in the midst of my hand because I know the truth:
in silence the sound of madness begins
and begs and beckons
So shhhhhh a moment and listen in
when the frequencies around us invade our senses again
information coming from all around us, whether we're conscious of it or not
and all around us are signs of supernaturality we try to hide
from spirits and ghosts that affect our emotions and thoughts
to shifting consciousness from alternate reality to alternate reality
and who is to say that time travel isn't possible within the mind, to touch your past or future selves in both this life and others and create other alternate realities, who is to say you can't?
And who is to say that such is wrong when it doesn't change the one we're in
When we have to actually coincide words with actions and thoughts to get the ball rollin'
I have come from nothing; from the most dismal depths of depression
to rise above the noise and confusion and feel myself heightened
from dark halls of negativity and fear and paranoia, insecurity
to golden dreams of future reality possibilities
Experiencing life in ways that skeptics deem insane
from chakras, to spirits, to Gods and devils, demons and angels and so much more
From the earthy vibrancy to soar through the universe within my minds third eye
which surprisingly is located very near to the pineal gland that releases some sweet concoctions
that stir the mind and frees it into such mental copulations of imaginations
And therein lies cosmic joke after cosmic joke
as I've heard the greatest stories never told
and they were awesome
past fears forgotten
I've walked through death and peered through the veil that separates
seen reality through perceptions I could never self-create
and I'm not even ashamed to admit it, nor am I afraid
for I'm still here, still alive, still standing and breathing and moving forward in life
And what I know of life is that most never try or try to hard to get it right
and my life; MY life; has been one hell of a ride
as I've challenged political doctrines and taken the throne out from established rulers if only in a game setting, we played as if it were real
and debated philosophers down to where they could not argue their theories any further for lacking the consistency of mind to argue correctly
without degrading themselves to losing control or sight of themselves and jealous with envy
I've fought fights that most have never fought; waged my own war against bullying and tormenting across the internet
and my name still isn't legend, that IS a safe bet
I don't even mind, because in my mind, I've gone from poverty to be King, to married life with kids and wife and lost it all to be a ghost of my own self
which was already a ghost of a ghost of a ghost of my own self
the depths I've plummeted in my falling have only been topped by the heights I've climbed in my soaring flights
And would you believe it if I told you
that I conquered even insanity itself, every insecurity known to man, even though it's still a work in progress?
Through all of this, I stood supreme in my own life and played the hero of my own life while simply doing what I felt I had to for a simple problem in the world around me
corruption and fear-mongering, lies and deceit
divisions across the land between every grouping of man
false divisions, falsely contrived for self-gain where self-gain should never have been made
and so many countless streams of belief that should have evolved now stagnate
to which I brought them together again within me
I've gone to the higher ups, to God and the Devil themselves and brought them into me
pointed to the mess all around and told them, now it's your turn to clean
Called fate to the floor, destiny, the elements all around; made calls to nature everywhere from small animals to long-living trees
Even to my own DNA as I take apart my own brain and reprogram it into something infinitely superior to what was there before
questioning the possibility of blood cell nanobot technology and if I could create such within myself through sheer will and process of thought
Been to the bottom of my own dark abyss through mushrooms and my own deep-rolling thoughts
as my pineal gland activates DMT spreads throughout creating for thoughts culture the perfect breeding ground
Where science fails and math fails and everything else fails, I do not
I see the similarities and the differences and where they got stopped
to which I cry, 'hold on, you guys are approaching the same thing from different sides!'
'Don't you know this thing you are examining is called 'life'?
And that all of everything we know stems from inside?'
To which I lament the poor nature of education and the world around
as intelligently stupid I am to confuse and confound, but really simply just because it's easier to indulge insanity every now and then than try to repress it
and so I remain an idiot savant, having entire conversations with friends at times of odd noises or pop culture phrases
and then move on to deliver the most awe-inspiring pieces of text that many have ever seen
and here I am doing it again here and in this place and with you
and do you know I just make this up as I go and as it flows through and through
and where it comes from, I don't know what to say other than reality itself, when the Gods do play
Freeflowing life is my specialty and I never like to force it, though certain challenges I rise to
and so you find, dear sir, that I wrote this completely in the now as I went and spent only a little time typing it
you'll probably spend more time reading it than it took to put it here
and I am unashamed nor boastful of such, it's just a simple statement
as all around me I see people wondering how to live life and the answer is so simple:
just live it, let it flow through you and you will be fine, no need to make it more complex than that unless you have to for a moment
for lifes complexity is simple and lifes simplicity is complex
yet for any thing that you do or learn, you will stumble and falter until you learn it well
and then you will let it flow through you if it is your calling
where the world fails and so does society
creating jobs never needed for greed that we hate
to deliver unto the world untold luxury and spoiled behavior; call it kismet or fate
as we rise to meet ancient prophecies at the same time as creating something new that no religion could ever have prepared us for
for all religions are wrong and yet all are right
too many of them turning to petty politics and between themselves fight
but the fight is changing drastically toward peace as peace becomes the new warfare
until such a time as they hope we forget
through the shifting, changing consciousness they seek to circumvent
control us through emotions in ways we can only begin to imagine
and certainly conspiracy theorists have named quite a few
but what if it's just reality; living; doing what it has to
until such a time as we evolve past all of this wanton idiocy
that is really just a perfect reaction to a world filled with misery
My words; my phrases; my interactions with the world around me
has certainly caused a chain-reaction
to which I posit the theory and possibility that maybe I am that one
perhaps I am that Jesus Christ, as if such a title were worth a damn thing
my fate still waylaid, my life still not over and I can only guess at what happens next
the world continues on as it tries to ignore what has happened before and yet no true closure on anything has been given yet
we are stagnant and seeking to forget that fact but in the wells of silence and madness we seek to fill with sound, it will get us in the end
We will finally have to make that leap; as much as it might hurt; into the next stage of human societal evolution and hope it's that final one that grants peace as so many dream that it should be
and if the world were healthier, which so many people are trying to make it so
it would be easier and yet here we are fighting momentum of events from before we were here
as the waters stir and mountains rumble and wind blows to and fro
If only I could live forever, just to see what happens next and yet if I'm correct, one way or the other, we all will live forever as part of a greater spiritual consciousness whether our physical bodies are alive or dead and reincarnation may indeed be possible
for how else can certain things be explained?
'Yolo' the kids say as I laugh and laugh at them
I know; my spirit has been around the block quite a bit before this life and yet I can't remember a damn bit of it
Not that it matters, not in the slightest, though it's easy to get curious
and curiosity always manages to buoy people back up again
But, this is where this train stops and I get off
Peace, love and harmony and don't forget pass it on.
A Conversation With Darkness
Darkness: death will come to you
ye who waits with baited tongue
for chance to scorn with tainted love
truth for all lies consumed
exhumed within like graves of deadmen; deadwomen
dead children of dead enlivened, alive again
a world of nonsense in which you are encased
like so much rust on the brain, diseased thought trains
raising high your self like some king of kingdom come
on earth and his will be done
but a charlatan of hypocrisy for judgment repressed
truth of self giving bad digest
and this I say to you; you so self-stated master of self
you con artist of self, master of illusionary gains
while the world around you you perceive to writhe in pain
while pain itself is the greatest gain against which you fight in vain
fight in vain for vanities sake, your own vanity
to be a hero-never wanted, a lover never taken
yet taken you were, loved you were and by them you had forsaken
a coward and a fool whose courage has seen you through nothing
nothing at all and you claim wisdom from nonsense
insanity clogging your mind as I speak through you
I, the invisible entity from which your brilliance is contrived
and upon your shit-pile of a life that you made for your self
when all others actually made lives for themselves
what of your will except to see the world burn
tear it apart because of the 'truth' you hold in your heart
that drives you to destroy as much as you claim to want to build
something greater, it becomes worse
living the lie of self-conceived 'great' men
who find themselves within hallucinogens, fevered visions
is that where you are, where you are like to go?
and with reason against reason you have railed
for what sense, to what extent
you claim yourself not better but better than everyone else
and who can solve that riddle dear sir, answer me that
a contradiction in terms? no, you made your self that
nobody told you to be anything like that at all
and yet through disjointed mental planes you saw your self
and pieced together a monster instead of a man
destroyed truth and gave lie a face, a beast with a plan
Me: Is that all you have to say to me
you beast disguised with reason, with false reasoning do you weigh
and give unto me as truth with a beautiful face
mimicing me as I learn from you
or am I mimicing you as you learn from me
or do we learn at all, where together we did fall
and if I were to say such contradictions of self
should not you wonder how I found heaven through such hell
was it contrived then, a lie I told my mind to bend
beyond reason to love something that should be hated
my self when I have been tested and weighted and fated
to living such life in a current I struggled against
and then struggled to understand, what I had to accept and take in hand
rise up against impossible odds of the mind
as voices and emotions did weigh me down with thoughts of death
death for which I have yet to face; death which I must some day take with me to a final rest
and where will you be then, you scornful scorner
you mockery of the faithful, of the light filled
and say to me that I am filled with shadow
yet such filling was by design and compliments the glow
of light found within, that subtle and intricate wealth
of spirit infused with balance and so I did grow
but where were you when I needed you
there was God and he saw me through
but you, you voice of an instrument of destruction
have plagued me with thoughts maddening, yet cessant
and often I have claimed them to be incessant, to trouble me without end
until I found the truth behind them, found mental clarity through them
a contradiction in terms or a contradiction found to be consistent when unwound and stretched along the ground
to fill in holes unseen which might trouble and sprain peoples ankles and feet
where are you then, but forcing people to focus on something other than their surroundings
so that their feet find those holes in the ground that I would fill
and tripping them up, causing them to lose more metaphorically as their cups do spill
over and giving rise to that tormenting voice that for some instances seems correct reason
do vent with negativity and with curses on their tongues do lament
the hole that caused them to trip instead of their own clouded vision
for such vision should be clear and yet is not for you are there
and you are there yet the vision is clear for those who are able
to feel around, give testament to more than the cocophony of senses recognized
as constant and tried and tested senses, yet you're still bound by some form of rope or cable
to some existence you have wound into some sort of self-confessing fable
as we look at the world around us, see it tumble and fall into place beside us
watch it spill along the ground and into the holes only to fit unwell
and seeing your work unwound around us all, who can say that your work was done well at all
a simple job to do and yet you have consistantly failed
to keep people down, from keeping the peace, from keeping the world in a constant state of chaos
just let go and let it be done; let it be over-
Darkness: let me interrupt you, boy
I don't do this as a job or as a favor, but for pleasure
you think I corrupt and entice, but I only show you the truth of your self
what you would be, what you could be and ultimately what you should be
for it is wild and it is survival of the fittest animal
savage garden you claim it and find it beautiful
and yet you would tame that animal, take away its fangs
Me: now I never said that at all, if you would just listen-
Darkness: but I do listen, and I'm tired of listening to your lies as you confound a multitude of others
confuse them with abstract thoughts as you show a man across the lines and divided not by them
giving true chaos to an order intricate and tried by time
Me: maybe you're just afraid that not enough time has been given to see the full extent
of what you have created and you have become bent
on that one defining factor, that maybe you did it wrong...
Darkness: but then you find yourself here with me again, insulting me
as if you don't think I have thought of you thinking that thought for thoughtful diligences sake
but you are a phony, a charlatan and a fake
not a wise man at all, but one twisted and fighting himself
look at you type on this laptop as if you have something to say
look at you argue with your self in poetic fashion for your own sake
to try to bring to rest and give peace to some imagined eternal conflict
that you think with a childs simplicity plagues the world
Me: yes, I do and don't think that I'm unaware of such
that I'm unaware of the insanity inherent within when viewed by others
and yet I will share it with others, whether you want me to or not
what should they think when my brilliance shows such not to be a lost cause
that it can be fought; that it can be won
Darkness: hah, a fool are you if you think such can be won
such unrest within ones self only destroys and is never 'fun'
but there I digress and lie because fun is found regardless and can you even tell
a difference between your self and your self
isn't that what you are seeking to do
to reinvent people and voices inside your own mind
and attribute personality to them in truth
while you chatter away in your brain with the mark of the insane
barely able to stop your self from reacting openly and out loud
what can you say to me, what can you do to me other than refine me and define me
Me: and is that not what I choose to do, is that not my pursuit, you fool?
to give rise to both what is dark and what is light, to walk through twilight
and show a balance that has yet to be found in men
to rise up and give testament
to something better than any other, better than most of them?
and should you not rest in silence at such a sight
yet here you contest me in a new way, which I meet with delight
and laugh with excitement a bit inside
even while pressed with the need to see it through
here I am, where again are you?
Darkness: inside of you, you fool; a part of you
and if you think me any different than that, then you are misguided; a tool
for some 'thing' contrived by many other half-assed idiots
Me: and therein I must conclude that you've ran out of steam
ran out of ways to bash against my reason with false reason
have learned a lot and so I must give tribute
to say to you, good effort, keep it up; I don't see my self as any better than you
just something learning and growing, something that may have inspired you
fired you up and gave you reason to try something new
or something you might have forgotten
Darkness: (motherfucker, I'm you)
Me: Are you? I see no proof of it. Your voice is inside of my mind
you are inside of me, but perhaps that's not the end of the story
perhaps there are more possibilities that some would count as foolish
You confound me, you confuse me; you plague and torture me
and to which I must conclude, you must be infatuated with me
love me dearly; something you would hate to lose
Darkness: (fuck you, I dance alone; fuck you)
Me: yet here we are dancing together, are we not
creating art in the midst of chaotic insanity
and I find it filled with honest beauty
something that came together from fractured consciousness
and so I blow you a little kiss
and say to you, good luck, and don't give up before it's finished.
Darkness: (fuck you)
"Everybody says ["I don't want to die alone"]. But in my experience, push comes to shove... it isn't the "alone" part people want to avoid. It's the dying."
--Cletus Kasady (Earth-616)