Odium Natura, Redux

Thirty years of scoffing at not just birds and trees
but oceans, too. And mountains, bears and lizards.
Burnished grounds and all the
Fucking. Piebald. Thingamabobs.

The sting of hornets and winter.
The wolves mooning over the flat smallish circle up there.
The argument of every blade of grass,
each neatly folded and sharpened,
making its point for the trillionth time.

The chlorophyll-based biochemical
whirligigs in solar wind.
The brainless vegetables and the
crushed bones of children they’d eagerly use
for fuel.

The way our rooted, beatific, ascetic
plant friends
perk right up for a
pile of shit.

The pregnant pause of a passing canyon,
its smoky contents roiling and calorie-free,
slurped through eye-holes by gravity of consciousness,
seeking a vacuum, stuffed like a magic trick,
smoke and mirrors in carved pumpkins.

The dawn’s groggy breath weaving mist through
thistles while the winds strum power lines
thick with blackbirds, the glissando of winged
eighth notes, the unresolved chord.

The trees, oafish high priests.
The iconoclast never found among them.
The giant arms that can’t hug.

The Sea’s mantra, shoom-shush.
The not-blue of the Deep Blue,
the greenish-brown soup instead,
the one salty gulp that short-circuits kidneys.

The monotone of sun, buttery metallic,
the photon bricks smashing car windows
and crashing funerals, insisting upon crevices
of baking garbage,
sparking at costume jewelry and rivers
and skyscrapers and the lacquered irises
of dumb brown sparrows in their pointless
hiding places.

The sun, above all, steaming the
green labial dew of fields, the nymphoid
tease they yield:
the brightness and hopefulness and gratefulness and unity you’re supposed to feel
but don’t.

The unrequited, heartsick agony instead.
The events, one after another, that tell no story.
The terrible truth, the long ass time it’ll take
to lay it out. The question mark needed
at the end to keep it from being a death
sentence.

?

This is one hell of a good poem.

Gamer is a talented writer, obviously. I remember once, I was logging hours with a poet girl, and we exchanged poems and I gave her Gamer’s “Portending the Death of Hamilard”. (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=178465&p=2294367).

She ended up sleeping with me. For real. (But for the record, I did not pass the poem off as my own, just one that I liked).

On the scale of what Gamer can do, this poem is probably mediocre. But by other standards, yea, it’s good. The curiosity I have is the odd fact that good writing can make someone feel like shit, even though it’s good writing. It maybe doesn’t sound odd, when I put like that. What I mean to say is that the better and more beautiful the writing, the more finely calibrated the instrument, the more I think it must latch on to some eternal aesthetic truth about the world. In this poem, that truth seems to reflect the opposite of the packaging it comes in. And I find that odd. Why can’t I just marvel at the wordsmithery for poems like that?

Well here’s the thing. And I really don’t want to depress anyone, rather find someone who’s struggling and propose a solution. But you need to know that people struggle in a lot of ways.

The goal is to shine a light, a beam of prose, on a monster hiding somewhere under the stairs, you want to lay it bare, that takes rhetoric, and in serious cases it takes poetry. Yes, fruity poetry.

Then you want to help the poor sons a bitches, the monsters prey, once the problems hairs are split and named, you want to offer a way out. May well have said the question mark, the oblivion, into which the question mark’s tiny hook prevents us from tumbling. But I had my chance.

We turn to nature to combat despair and it can come up short. I only ask that if someone out there believes life is meaningless, keep that question mark around, just for giggles. Meaningless period versus Meaningless?

A poem needs to slay Hamilard, in some way, or it’s shit.

No. I’m familiar with Gamer’s work. This is up around the top.

Gamer, it’s all about putting words together in interesting ways. That’s the goal. That’s the thing. Anything else is ego.

there’s no time to be merely interesting.

there is a war being waged, and it’s something to do with
putting God and angels in places they are not. which is most places.

interesting is that which garners interest
interesting demands exploration.

exploration of what, is the question

call it ego, or call it empathy

just call it something

and then do it

thepain, cold black

musn’t win

It would be odd enough for someone to put together interesting descriptions of nature in order to say, basically, that the nature he was describing wasn’t interesting. That’s not what happened here, but something like it did. In the poem nature is empty, shallow, funereal. The descriptions aren’t—they’re layered; they have depth. The description is disconnected from the referent, and depth is caged in the description—as if the words were more interesting than what they refer to. Like being in front of a mirror and finding your self inside.

The argument of every blade of grass,
each neatly folded and sharpened,
making its point for the trillionth time.

For someone like Hamilard… Hamilard is a person whose creations are free. They’re in the world, living, and they give the world depth for him. They’re not caged up, on words in his flyers. Hamilard is fucked, sure. But this isn’t about Santa Claus, this is about the je ne sais quoi that exists in depth. Nature in Hamilard’s world could breathe. But forget that. It’s not the point.

More importantly, there was something right about Hamilard’s relation to the world. He had a one at all—a relation to the world—ironically, (since he believes in Santa Claus). For all the bullshit that Hamilard believes, his words were tied to, and only as important as, what they referred to. That’s his direct connection. The words in today’s poem have picked up a meaning and a depth that wasn’t found in what they were referring to. It’s not as extreme in the opposite direction as believing in Santa Claus, but yo, that’s all I’m saying.

I’m not sure if anything I just said made sense.

there’s a very (i don’t want to scare anyone by saying how very) palpable reason why this stuff is in a poem instead of a post.
it’s because it can’t be talked about any other way that’s satisfying (to me)

somehow I feel, with regard to my poem, the depth is caged in your description, Von Rivers

but not really. i think you’re onto something

what you are on to, to you, might be an observation

to me, it’s a crisis

i take it you mean the poem doesn’t believe in anything, and this is true,
but really, it’s looking for something to believe in, something that outstrips language

i’m not going to sit here and self-analyze my work like i’m kafka

i’ll have to answer your observation with more poetry

See?

This is what I mean.

have you ever read ol’ g k chesterton, mainly just “heretics” and afterwards “orthodoxy”? you’re a heretic, so you might like the essay, “heretics”.

there was once a period of about 2 or 3 years, for me, where I read nothing but nietzsche, or things about nietzsche. by the end of it i was calling him “dear fritz”. my problem was that what i read had consequences, because beliefs have consequences, and what i read changed those. my world became a place of brute lifeless matter, and i had to be the free spirit perspective creator fashioner of my world. nietzsche is a fictionalist, which means that he plays the game of make-believe. he imbues the world with values like a kid who pretends trees are bears and rocks are thrones. but he can’t keep himself from thinking they’re really not.

i can’t remember what or why exactly, but ol’ g k had some stuff to say about that, which was a nice contrast for me. but anyways, that’s a bit presumptuous of me.

I’ll definitely check it out thx

Chesterton is saying (for me) is whatever you think you realized is wrong about the world, you’re probably at least somewhat wrong about it. Perhaps the flip side is whatever you think is right, you’re probably somewhat right about it. In any case, you were somewhat right about Chesterton. I’m enjoying the possibility of reading more of his stuff.