Softly the voices speak to him
Telling him stories of tragic succession
He hears them and begins to cry
His room inundated with tears
Clinching the pillow
Trying to hold back from insanity
Coughing up blood from the smoke he inhaled
He tries not to hurt anyone with his demented life
He’s crazy, suicidal
The dreams are all he wanted
The worlds just and obstruction in his way
Schizophrenic he is
He can hear the world talking to him
They tell him secrets
Secrets about you, you, and you
Secluded secrets he never knew
Suffering from the edge of his life
He claims his destiny and takes hold of it
He’s quiet and unknown
His destiny is his own favor
The favor of lif
Well, I like it. The only thing is that I personally don’t like judging poetry in negative ways, because it is a form of expression. And forms of expression in my eyes shouldn’t get judged. But, umm…
Towards the end I started identifying with the speaker. I guess that when I started reading it at first I was so pre-occupied in wondering what the favor was.
Another thing, that is only something I would have changed if I was the writer (which I’m not), but the line that reads, “His room inundated with tears”
I don’t know, but the word inundated didn’t register in a favorable light when I first read it. I looked at it as, well he has a good command of the English language, but this word is just out of character. That is what I thought. But from that moment on it became very visual in my eyes.
Oh and as you can see, hit modify and change that last line to read life.
Just giving you my three cents about it. What do you think?