tell me what you think

I have recently got into spoken word and I’ve just finished my first bit
I want to know what you educated people think

I’m getting tired of this picture perfect landscape we call a woman’s face
leaving me to choose over having a true or false taste.
make-up please face the facts
make-up is making up for what you lack
Fake and bake will make you look better when you awake so you can take
the earthquake away that shakes me and rakes me up as soon as she leaves.
And now I see men doing the same damn thing and I’ll tell you this falsely fine miss.
I’d rather have a girl who wants me for me not what I can be enhanced visually
Nowadays powder and paint makes a girl what she ain’t
5 minutes in a bathroom could change her from second rate to a saint
and you wonder why she was in there before and she’ll be back soon.
Is that your path to inner beauty?
Does your face get mistaken for your booty?
Does changing face come to saving grace oh what a waste
when I wake up thinking who’s this bitch at my place,
and who left this face on my pillow case
Damn allow my steps to be retraced.
This ain’t right where’s the one from last night.
Leaving you nothing but jokes from friends when will this shit end,
all I can do now is defend you woulda did it too you shoulda seen her bend.
Truth is I was sober from the start we couldn’t part
and damn she did look good in the dark.
Question is does this make me have no heart?
No cause I was lied to. Now I’m being cried to.
Now I don’t screw till I see the two of you.

Bloodshot,
that was some nice writing, or maybe I should call it wrapping. My sentiments exactly, only I learned long ago before getting involved in relationships that I wanted to see the real her before I saw the made her, if you catch what I am saying. It’s tricky though, for there are many degrees between what a girl is and what she makes herself out to be, never is she the exact girl she wants to be nor is she ever the real girl she is. So I get lost in the degrees, never really being sure to which side her actions are swaying. I never tried wording it into a poem, maybe I should try, if I do I’ll let you know.

What’s your take?

Wrapping, Magius? You could be my dad.

Bloodshot, that was v good indeed. I’m quite into spoken word myself though I don’t write my own stuff. I have performed it though from time to time. I’ve been writing the best poetry on my wall recently (not out of madness, I must add). That might just go up in lead. Please send more.

As a writer myself, I enjoyed the way you can capture your audience with words.

However I also believe that most poems and other pieces of creative writing have to flow somewhat, yours did not flow directly together. This is not a bad thing completely; throwing away old rules is a good way to discover new ways of writing.

Like all writers I believe that you possess a raw talent, all writers have this naturally. Work a little while longer and you will learn how to capture your soul on a page and let the whole world know it’s beauty…

From one word capturer to another, well done!

sorry I forgot to sign in, I am the above guest mentioned! SORRY! xx

nice job :smiley: yeah and you should write lots so you get better, I wrote like crazy, and I think I got better, but don’t ask me…

good job. I like the poem because it’s about how the inside counts.