The Beginning (Part II)

[size=75]Please read part 1 first! [/size]

The Beginning
(Part II)
By
Pax Vitae

But the end will never come; sometimes mortality has its benefits you know. The games of life eventually take their toll. There was a time when I would compete with the best of them, now there is little I haven’t done or won. My world lacks a spark. Hate was once that spark, but now even hatred grows cold, like a friend’s love. Yes, even hate has to give way to a dry bitterness, devoid and empty. You would think as time goes by, you would grow to understand. Yet it all seems so much more complicated now. Surely with age things are meant to make more sense?

But all there is, is emptiness, nothing will ever make me feel complete again. Things can’t be undone, or cruel words unspoken, an innocence lost can never be regained. Her kind and gentle way will never again inspire me, or her laugh make me smile. I chose the dark path and it now guides me. I listened only to me while she spoke, following dead myths instead of life. And now with each breath I can feel the course air scratch my throat and lungs. I try not to breathe, but after time, I must succumb to the need, and the pain begins again. Immortality is not all it’s cracked up to be. But yet childish minds want to live forever, not realising it becomes quite arduous to pass the time.

For eons I’ve watched man and my beloved. But what surprised me the most, was the fact that she didn’t forgive him. It was I that had tricked him, it wasn’t his fault. For one preaching so much forgiveness, she showed so very little. This hypocrisy of the righteous I could not stand with a passion. I don’t understand why she would do this, is she doing it to punish him, or me?

There’s no justice in life, but yet we try to control that which is chaos. From chaos to chaos, or maybe from a god that let’s you destroy yourself back to that same loving god. OH! What joy you must have loving that which loves you unconditionally! She once loved me unconditionally to, but look at what her love has done to me!

There are others who share in my disillusionment, take the “Buddha”. A rich man’s son who had not a care in the world, all the joys of life to pleasure him. Just like me. But, as the story goes, he saw the poverty of life and it changed him. Never again could he be happy. “All life is suffering,” he thought, and taught. How very little did he know! But with the confidence that comes from richness and power he sped his truth. Sparing none who would listen. What a genius, what a true mastermind, he taught the weak what they know through experience. A man guided by his despair at facing the real truth about happiness, not one based on a lie, told to a young child to hide his face from the wickedness in the world. A man whose control over life had been taken away. A man who’s every wish was once granted, but no more. His last and finial wish could never be given. Once he saw, he could never forget. Why? Because he had a conscience, or as some would say a soul. The only way to reach his nirvana was to stop the truth of the world from affecting him. What once made him human he now saw as the enemy. Detachment was the only way the “Buddha” could ever know happiness again. Yes it was in the rejection of life that he found his freedom. One must love this irony.

While the “Buddha” was a rich man, the poor man is under no illusions or delusions about life. He sees the effluent of his existents for what it really is. No pretty niceties to blind or bind him in a false sense of security. Every depraved truth is made know to him in ways that should never be explored. Cursed at birth with all my closest associates… once innocent, but for only the shortest possible moment. Where the rich man only sees despair the truly lost soul can find happiness in escaping the clutches of my snare, the bliss of escaping the torturous pains of his old existence. Jesus, a man after my own heart, he saw where happiness lies. He knew the truth and the ways of the world. He could understand the fact that happiness is only possible by those that are weak, and helpless. While the rich man receives his reward, so to speak, in the luxuries of life, he also finds sadness in seeing others suffer, and their shadows will haunt him every step he takes. While the poor man finds happiness in just living to see another day.

I’ve come to enjoy the pain felt by those that possess a conscience. Here is the exquisiteness that I now bathe in, the ultimate release for all my sadistic pleasure, which I love to share. Yes I’m quite generous in allowing others to partake in the masochist intoxications that bring me such joy. But for others it cannot be seen for the gift it’s meant to be. The sane lose their sanity; the saintly become the daemons they hate, and gods, well gods become devils, all life for these souls becomes twisted by the light of my truth! It can be fun to fuck with people’s minds.

I’m a lost soul in the firmament of time, banished for an ethereal crime. Hate pain I lament n’ cry, cured with the torment I crucified. So, bereft of death I live this lie, damned eternally to never die. But Why? Cause, Immortal soul- This am I.

I loved this Pax. It’s a very interesting and well thought out perspective of evil. Is the devil really evil? If so, why? and furthermore, what were God’s intentions in the matter? While we’re on the subject, we should really begin a thread regarding the subject of theodicy to the religion forum. or do we already have one?

I enjoyed it. Curiously, did you write this recently or during your religious trials?

I’m glad you enjoyed it. I think a new topic directly on Theodicy would be very interesting. I have a good introduction to theodicy from The Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy, which I’ve been meaning to type up, and will do it later today.

I wrote this about a month after I had left the seminary, (about a year and a half ago). It came from a fascination I had with one of Jesus’s teachings: “Love thy enemy.” As it must mean that God loves Satan. Which I had been thinking about, even before I went into the seminary. We were reading the Garden of Eden story one day in bible study’s. After we finished the devil now came across to me as a jealous lover, more so then a psychopathic evil demigod. While the story is about Satan, it’s also about the fulfilment of love. As it was his jealous love and his unwillingness to share that turned him in to evil. It was the twisting of his love, which some would say is the strongest emotion that caused his despair. Love fulfilled can make you the greatest person that ever lived. But unrequited love can turn you into the darkest of all creatures.

Pax Vitae

that was very good. its a refreshingly new perspective

Thanks

Awesome!! dude!! whoa, totally …er hum pardon my American English heehee.

That’s a great idea you got going there, though I’ve always seen Satan as a greedy brat that wants basically to rule the universe but doesn’t know that he can’t do it and would destroy it if he did. But you got an intresting point.

Thanks

Pax,

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? For I’m young and aspire one day to write. But what you wrote right there is far beyond anything I could write. There is experience and wisdom beyond those fingers that type.

And by the way, did you write a part 1.

o.k, I just read Part 1. Answered my own question. ’
I’m very impressed.

I’m 27, thanks I’m glad you enjoyed it. My old English teacher always used to say, “If you want to write you must be honest to yourself and the reader, and only write about what you know.”

While at the moment you think that, but with time and practice you’ll be writing things you’d never believe were possible for you. It’s like all thing worth doing, it requires a certain amount of dedication to literature.

bump