To know “thy self”…
I have become aware of myself of late…
I am not a generous person… I see a homeless person and they ask me for money
and I always refuse… I do not give people money… I am not generous…
I might have a million dollars in my pocket and I still won’t give them a dime…
I have realized this about myself… I hate sharing food… my wife will always ask
to sample food on my plate at dinner and after 20 plus years, I still hate to do that…
and yet, and yet, I still, as part of my political philosophy ask that people give
up their tax dollars to feed the homeless and clothe and give them shelter…
is that a contradiction? yes, I will agree to that… is that knowledge, the understanding
of who I am, enough to think about changing? yes, is my being not generous part of
who I am, yes… the question becomes, who shall I become, as Nietzsche called it,
is who I am, the not very, ok, not generous person at all, who I should become,
or should I become a more generous person… doing something I am not comfortable with,
which is being generous… who shall I become? the holder of all things Kropotkin or
should I learn to share?
I do not like to be touched… I hate being touched and I hate touching people…
my mom tells me when I was a baby and it was time to feed, most babies liked
to be held close to the body, I didn’t… I would only be feed on the edge of her knee…
away from her body… I am no different today, over 55 years later… I hate to hug people,
and I hate to be hugged… people who know me, know better then to hug me…
I don’t even like to shake someone’s hand… I hate to touch and to be touched…
I have to make a conscience choice to even touch someone… I dislike it that much…
I know thyself and yet, is it enough to change my choices, my behavior?
to become who I am, should I remain the person who hates to touch and be touched
or should I become someone who touches and is touched…
to know thyself… I am more comfortable with theory then with action…
I am not the guy who will organize the march… I will sit at my kitchen
table and create the theory for the guy who organizes the march…
I am a theorist… not an action person…I know thyself
and yet, is it enough to become who I am which is the theory guy
or should I try to go outside of my comfort zone and become
the guy to organize the march… the question is, to become who I am,
should I become something “better” then I am or should I simply become
who I am? the guy who hates to touch, the guy who is the theorist, the guy
who won’t share? the answer is quite clear but shall I follow it?
who shall I become?
Kropotkin