a thread for mundane ironists

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7481

[b]Werner Twertzog

Jesus wept. But also liked to party.[/b]

Okay, but how do we know that?

The purpose of your life, as we all know, is to purchase electronic devices, and keep them charged.

Or, if you have the wherewithal, to hire someone else to.

When the last Boomer dies, perhaps all of the rest of us shall no longer have to hear about Woodstock every goddamned day.

Right, like it’s not the 50th goddamned anniversary!

I think, accidentally, by internet gambling, I just won Greenland.

Which reminds me: Greenland is mostly ice, and Iceland is mostly green.

So then I said to Beckett, “Sammy, you know that allegory is over, right?” Of course, I had not yet made Fitzcarraldo.

Anyone here know Sammy’s take on this?

Why can’t I be happy?
Because happiness does not exist.
Why can’t I be loved?
Because love does not exist.
What can I do?
Wait awhile, you’ll die eventually.

Yet another rendition of birth school work death.

7482

[b]Luis Bunuel

If we could only find the courage to leave our destiny to chance, to accept the fundamental mystery of our lives, then we might be closer to the sort of happiness that comes with innocence. [/b]

Sounds rather despairing to me. But I’ll flip a coin to decide.

Repeat, over and over again, in case anyone forgets it or believes the contrary, that we do not live in the best of all possible worlds.

So, does that mean there is one?

I find science analytical, pretentious and superficial-largely because it does not address itself to dreams, chance, laughter, feelings, or paradox-in other words,-all the things I love the most.

All possibly true. But I’m sticking with it myself.

A paranoiac, like a poet, is born, not made.

On the other hand, what the fuck does that mean?

Nothing would disgust me more, morally, than receiving an Oscar.

And, it goes without saying, a Golden Globe.

Frankly, despite my horror of the press, I’d love to rise from the grave every ten years or so and go buy a few newspapers.

I wonder if he’d still want to.

7483

[b]Marianne Faithfull

Never apologize, never explain - didn’t we always say that? Well, I haven’t and I don’t. [/b]

After all, you can never be too arrogant these days.

Sometimes you just have to get a shock to grow up and wake up, and I’ve had lots of shocks because it’s as though I don’t learn the lessons, so something new comes and hits me.

You know, like having one foot in the grave.

I don’t talk about my private life.

That works for me, he snorted, because I don’t want to hear about it.

I come from a very left wing Socialist family, anti-war and anti-empire.

Let’s file this one under, say, dasein?

I do have a strong sense of God. It’s impossible to explain what I mean when I say that, of course.

Or: I do have a strong sense of No God. It’s impossible to explain what I mean when I say that, of course.

I’d really like people to see me as a real actress, which I am, but they don’t. It’s hard to get them to see me as a musician, they just see me as a hanger-on to the Stones, which is not what I am at all.

The acting part I don’t know about, but the music part is all hers and out of this world.

7484

[b]Billie Holiday

When you sing, always tell the truth.[/b]

And start, for example, by writing your own songs.

People don’t understand the kind of fight it takes to record what you want to record the way you want to record it.

Back them for sure.

Sometimes it’s worse to win a fight than to lose.

Think the battle and the war.

I’m always making a comeback but nobody ever tells me where I’ve been.

Of course that’s not a problem for her now.

You’ve got to have something to eat and a little love in your life before you can hold still for any damn body’s sermon on how to behave.

And even then fuck them. Providing you can.

And when you’re poor, you grow up fast.

But only if they’ll let you.

7485

[b]God

Saying “guns don’t kill people” is like saying “defibrillators don’t save people”.[/b]

You think?

If you pray hard enough, nothing happens.

Okay, then pray harder still.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth with the potential to make themselves the only creatures on earth.

Not counting cockroaches of course.

I’m not the fake account, the Bible is.

He means their Bible, right?

You really have no fucking idea what you’re doing down there, do you.

Look who’s talking!!

[b]THE FIVE STAGES OF CLIMATE CHANGE

  1. Denial
  2. Guilt
  3. Depression
  4. Acceptance
  5. Drowning[/b]

You know, by the end of the century.

7486

[b]Brad Thor

Anything that grows is, by definition, alive. Washington, D.C. was no exception. As a living organism, the Federal Government’s number one job was self-preservation. Any threat to its existence had to be dealt with.[/b]

Especially now with Koch dead.

People who took themselves too seriously not only were no fun, but could also be very dangerous.

Of course here they’re only Kids.

He had the three ingredients to happiness right in the palm of his hand and he knew it—something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.

Or four if you count a ton of cash.

The worth of a culture, in his opinion, could be boiled down to one thing—how well that culture took care of its weakest members, particularly its women and children.

You know, in theory.

As the old saying goes, you can’t spell unprofessional, unethical, or unaccountable without the UN.

Okay, okay, let’s burn it to the ground, Mr. Reactionary.

To tell you the truth, Father, I don’t think God has a favorite football team, or a favorite religion.

Anyone here know for sure?

7487

[b]Nina Simone

Jazz is not just music, it’s a way of life, it’s a way of being, a way of thinking.[/b]

Nope, with me, it never sunk in. And god knows I tried.

There’s no excuse for the young people not knowing who the heroes and heroines are or were.

In this day and age, trust me: For better or for worse.

Slavery has never been abolished from America’s way of thinking.

Abolished is the last thing it is for some these days.

I know I’m different, but I don’t think about it.

Of course she did just then.

I do not believe in mixing of the races. You can quote me. I don’t believe in it, and I never have. I’ve never changed. I’ve never changed my hair. I’ve never changed my color, I have always been proud of myself, and my fans are proud of me for remaining the way I’ve always been. I married a white man one time, but he was a creep.

Nothing racist to see here, folks.

You don’t have to live next to me
Just give me my equality

Right, like that would ever happen.

7488

[b]Existential Comics

People are really out there vigorously advocating for free speech, but at the same time saying philosophy is useless. Like everyone should shout their opinions all the time, but under absolutely no circumstance should anyone examine these opinions seriously.[/b]

On the other hand, how seriously is too seriously?

Joe Biden: the only thing that can stop a bad old senile racist getting elected president is a good old senile racist getting elected president.

This time though it’s probably true.

a great philosopher is someone who can explain their dumbass idea so well that no one can even figure out why it was so dumb anymore

Well, not counting me of course.

[b]Philosophers who would most hate their modern fans:

  1. Nietzsche
  2. Marx
  3. Diogenes
  4. The rest of them because philosophers are all snobby pricks[/b]

In other words, all of the above.

when your boss says he thinks of the workplace like a family, he doesn’t mean like a group of people who take care of each other no matter what. he means like a patriarchal power structure where the children obey the parents no matter what.

But only 9 times out of 10.

Children really make the best philosophers. They have infinite curiosity and wonder, and they haven’t yet aquired any of the prejudices that close adult’s minds off from possibilities. The only real problem is that children are dumb as shit.

Not half as dumb as Kids though.

7489

[b]Roger Penrose

Consciousness … is the phenomenon whereby the universe’s very existence is made known. [/b]

1] How?
2] Why?
Though not necessarily in that order.

It is always the case, with mathematics, that a little direct experience of thinking over things on your own can provide a much deeper understanding than merely reading about them.

Most of us being resigned to taking his word about that.

There is a certain sense in which I would say the universe has a purpose. It’s not there just somehow by chance. Some people take the view that the universe is simply there and it runs along—it’s a bit as though it just sort of computes, and we happen by accident to find ourselves in this thing. I don’t think that’s a very fruitful or helpful way of looking at the universe, I think that there is something much deeper about it, about its existence, which we have very little inkling of at the moment.

Of course that’s still true.

We have a closed circle of consistency here: the laws of physics produce complex systems, and these complex systems lead to consciousness, which then produces mathematics, which can then encode in a succinct and inspiring way the very underlying laws of physics that gave rise to it.

You know, like dominoes toppling over.

Intelligence cannot be present without understanding. No computer has any awareness of what it does.

On the other hand, no one really knows what that means.

There are considerable mysteries surrounding the strange values that Nature’s actual particles have for their mass and charge. For example, there is the unexplained ‘fine structure constant’ … governing the strength of electromagnetic interactions.

Going back to, say, the mystery of existence itself. :wink:

7490

[b]Sad Socrates

My only advice is to start eating the garbage out of the sea.[/b]

You know, more than you throw into it.

Mom used to say if you frown and the wind changes direction it doesn’t really matter because you’ll still be unhappy.

Of course Mom was sad too.

Complaining is doing something.

And, sure, every now and again, that’s enough.

I had one of those moments this week where I was eating and choking and someone saved me and I realized I wanted to be alone for the rest of my life.

No heroes here, eh?

My doubts are always correct.

Every other one of mine actually might be.

If you truly regarded the feces on the ground you would only begin to realize how beautiful humanity is.

Feces as in shit?

7491

[b]Dan Savage

…the Bible is only as good and decent as the person reading it. [/b]

You know, to paraphrase Shane.

Today’s unspeakable perversion is tomorrow’s kink, is next week’s good clean fun.

And not just on Twitter.

Straight couples don’t have to be monogamous to be married or married to be monogamous. Monogamy no more defines marriage than the presence of children does. Monogamy isn’t compulsory and its absence doesn’t invalidate a marriage.

Okay, but where does, among other things, AIDS figure in here?

Take me to the driest county in the most conservative state, and in two hours this determined hedonist will find you all the drugs, whores, and booze you’ll need to pass an eventful weekend.

That sounds like a challenge, Mr. Reasonable! :wink:

If kids got raped at Denny’s as often as they get raped at church it would be illegal to take your kids to Denny’s.

Let’s decide: Is this going too far?

The mistake that straight people made was imposing the monogamous expectation on men. Men were never expected to be monogamous.

Let’s decide: Is this going too far?

7492

[b]Georg Cantor

A false conclusion once arrived at and widely accepted is not easily dislodged and the less it is understood the more tenaciously it is held.[/b]

I know, let’s put one in the White House.

To ask the right question is harder than to answer it.

For example, “why?”

A set is a Many that allows itself to be thought of as a One.

For example, the set of, “workers of the world unite.”

The essence of mathematics lies precisely in its freedom.

Encompassed in equations of course.

The fear of infinity is a form of myopia that destroys the possibility of seeing the actual infinite, even though it in its highest form has created and sustains us, and in its secondary transfinite forms occurs all around us and even inhabits our minds.

Next up: the real infinity.

Don’t always blindly follow guidance and step-by-step instructions; you might run into something interesting.

Unless of course you’re anal.

7493

[b]tiny nietzsche

practice things that don’t come natural to you until you can fake it[/b]

Here, for example, being a philosopher.

there are known known pleasures; there are pleasures we know we know. we also know there are known unknown pleasures; that is to say we know there are some pleasures we do not know. but there are also unknown unknown pleasures, the pleasures we don’t know we don’t know

Next up: pain.

good places to cry:
museums
train stations
outer space

Or, for some, a parallel universe.

inadvertently propping up late stage capitalism because I need to eat

We’re all doing what we can.

wake me up when I’m dead

I’ll let you know, okay?

I saw Louisiana trending and I thought maybe trump had sold it back to france

We lost billions.

7494

[b]Edith Piaf

I’m the only one who still believes in Santa Claus! [/b]

My guess: not any more.

I wouldn’t mind at all coming back to earth after my death.

Anyone of you here her?

To sing is to bring to life; impossible if the words are mediocre, however good the music.

Right, like this can actually be proven.

I don’t want to die an old lady.

Unless 47 is old, she didn’t.

Money? How did I lose it? I never did lose it. I just never knew where it went.

I’m reasonably sure that I don’t have it.

Death is the beginning of something.

The end, for example.

7495

[b]Margaret Cho

I don’t think I’m gay. I don’t think I’m straight. I think I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade? [/b]

Let’s start one for her.

I think white people like to tell Asian people how they should feel about race because they’re too scared to tell black people.

Sorry, but she’s allowed to say things like this.

I think comedy is an angry art form.

Well the joke does have to be on someone.

Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.

At the very least, probably.

I don’t like people telling other people what to do. Sex work for a lot of women is really important, especially in countries where women don’t have a lot of power. Here we can have at least some form … of making money.

Of course there are other ways to look at it.

Silence equals nonexistence. If I don’t raise my voice, it’s like I never existed.

Nope, never felt that way.

7496

[b]Daniel Silva

But that’s the beauty of American cable news, darling. It doesn’t have to be credible. It just has to be entertaining.[/b]

Cue, among others, the masses.

On Yom Kippur, it is not enough for one to feel sorry for the foul deeds one has done. To achieve forgiveness, one must go to the injured parties and make amends.

Unless of course they’re Palestinians.

The Germans are fond of saying that only Austria could convince the world that Beethoven was an Austrian and Hitler was a German.

A little help with this one please.

He looked older, harder, perhaps wiser. The Middle East was like that. It turned hope to despair, idealists into Machiavellians.

Not unlike in Washington D.C. here.

Like many Vatican pronouncements, the official version of events would bear little resemblance to the truth.

Not unlike pronouncements in Washington D.C. here.

To understand Russia today, you must understand the trauma of the nineties. Everything we had, everything we had been told, was swept away. We went from superpower to basket case overnight.

Still, with 6,500 nuclear warheads. On the other hand, in the 1990s, it had over 60,000 nuclear warheads.

7497

[b]Oswald Spengler

There is no proletarian, not even a Communist movement, that has not operated in the interests of money, and for the time being permitted by money - and that without the idealists among its leaders having the slightest suspicion of the fact.[/b]

Of course there’s no getting around the bills being paid.

The question of whether world peace will ever be possible can only be answered by someone familiar with world history. To be familiar with world history means, however, to know human beings as they have been and always will be. There is a vast difference, which most people will never comprehend, between viewing future history as it will be and viewing it as one might like it to be. Peace is a desire, war is a fact; and history has never paid heed to human desires and ideals …

Of course there’s no getting around the military industrial complex.

Long ago the country bore the country-town and nourished it with her best blood. Now the giant city sucks the country dry, insatiably and incessantly demanding and devouring fresh streams of men, till it wearies and dies in the midst of an almost uninhabited waste of country.

Let’s call this…capitalism?

For the Age has itself become vulgar, and most people have no idea to what extent they are themselves tainted. The bad manners of all parliaments, the general tendency to connive at a rather shady business transaction if it promises to bring in money without work, jazz and Negro dances as the spiritual outlet in all circles of society, women painted like prostitutes, the efforts of writers to win popularity by ridiculing in their novels and plays the correctness of well-bred people, and the bad taste shown even by the nobility and old princely families in throwing off every kind of social restraint and time-honored custom: all of these go to prove that it is now the vulgar mob that gives the tone.

Likely to be just one man’s opinion though. Or, sure, likely not to be just one at all.

Philosophy, the love of Wisdom, is at the very bottom defense against the incomprehensible.

Though not much that isn’t.

When the Englishman speaks of national wealth he means the number of millionaires in the country.

Then billionaires. Or are there actually trillionaires around?

7498

[b]tiny nietzsche

in space, no one can hear you access your ex’s financial records[/b]

Though you’ll probably catch hell when you get back down to Earth.

philosopher is a complicated profession

Seriously?

it has been [0] days since the last billionaire’s death

Time to speed things up, he thought.

abc: always be crying

If only from the cradle to the grave.

take a moment to watch other people run out of ideas

Or to just keep repeating the same ones.

sure nihilism is great, but have you ever had sex?

Probably the first time that’s ever been asked.

7499

[b]Bob Dylan

I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity. [/b]

That and being Bob Dylan.

We’re living in times where men commit crimes and crime don’t have a face.

Of course we’re not fooled, are we?

They self-inflict punishment on their own broken lives
Put their faith in their possessions, in their jobs, or their wives

And then every couple of years, they vote.

Well, I try my best to be just like I am
But everybody wants you to be just like them
They sing while you slave
And I just get bored

You know, being him and all.

It is the first line that gives the inspiration and then it’s like riding a bull. Either you just stick with it, or you don’t.

For example, “I” is an “existential contraption.” :wink:

I didn’t know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.

Unless your packin’ of course.

7500

[b]Blake Crouch

I think I finally understand why God went away and left the world to destroy itself.[/b]

He wondered if it was the same reason that he thought.

You killed your ambition, didn’t you?
It died of natural causes. Of neglect.

Mine may well have been stillborn.

At this point, I’m not even sure what to be afraid of—this reality that might actually be true, or the possibility that everything is going to pieces inside my head.

Maybe a lethal combination of both.

I am not allowed to think I’m crazy.
I am only allowed to solve this problem.

We’ll need to know the problem of course.

What it comes down to for me is that I’d rather us make bad decisions as a group, than to live in the absence of freedom.

We’ll need to know the decisions of course.

When you were a child, I didn’t tell you about the evil in the world, all that lay in wait.

Like it’s actually hard to figure out.